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Cornelius Hickey ([personal profile] spotsalone) wrote2025-04-11 07:04 pm
cleansheets: (06 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-09 10:20 am (UTC)(link)
[ It's a condition that Angelo expected at least, though he's not sure how to put it into practice. What is 'too much'? He's never had the option to define that limit before, and he's gotten through all his encounters all the same. To begin with, he doesn't know how this will feel. The notable absence of repulsion when they were kissing had already felt revolutionary. Hickey seems to believe he can make him feel actual pleasure if he tries hard enough, but Angelo isn't as optimistic. The capacity for such a thing may have been wrung out of his body before it ever had a chance to blossom.

And still, he wants this. To tie Hickey to him with physicality, to be a proper partner rather than someone so broken that you need to make compromise to love him. They could have remained friends instead, of course, but the idea of Hickey seeking physical comfort elsewhere has started to make Angelo sick somewhere along the way. How foolish that is.

How much is 'too much'? Angelo remains silent for a second as he mulls it over. Before today, he would have simply agreed to the promise no matter what, faked his way through if needed be. But Elias says he wants him, all of him, for who he is. More so than Angelo could imagine. Who is he if he can't meet that commitment halfway?

He swallows hard, and nods. ]


I promise.

[ If the disgust returns, he'll take the out. It's the only line in the sand that he can imagine taking notice off in the thick of it. His fingers brush along Hickey's jawline, handsomely defined. ]

... so come and devour me. I want to know what it feels like, with you.
cleansheets: (58 smile)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-12 07:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Hickey shifts and just like that, he's the only thing Angelo can see. They're the same height yet now Hickey towers over him, as reassuring as he is imposing. When did he start thinking of Hickey as larger then life? When did he stop looking down on him and begin wishing to look up instead? Impossible questions, nonsensical answers.

And then the first clasp of his collar comes undone and all high-minded thoughts vanish from Angelo's mind. Weeks and weeks spent evading stripping even under threat of death, and now he's letting those careful hands lay him bare. It makes this whole thing seem real. His heart feels like it wants to escape his rib cage, a bird flapping its wings inside his chest.

Angelo takes flight and connects their lips the rest of the way. Earlier in the day, he'd kissed Hickey as if it were a show of force, flaunting all his skills and simulating needy urgency in every move. This time, he lives up to Hickey's quiet order, and takes it slow. No tongue, no teeth, just lips against lips, soft and probing. When he breaks apart again, far too soon, his lips are tingling. How odd. ]


... mhm, of course. You'd better appreciate me thoroughly. It's my first time, after all.

[ He laughs lowly as he says it. It's a joke at his own expense, but one that contains a good amount of truth. It's the first time that matters, the first time he chose for himself. And don't men love taking someone's virginity? Angelo watches for Hickey's reaction from the corner of his eye, while his own hand goes searching for the top buttons of his shirt. He's not going to be the only one exposed here. ]
Edited 2025-08-12 19:43 (UTC)
cleansheets: (23 surprise)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-13 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Elias fixes him with that look, pupils wide and dark with desire, and Angelo realizes he'd been wrong. A part of his mind had been attempting to treat this analytically. He'd rather claw off his own skin than act out the professional whore here, but he is invested in Hickey enjoying himself to the fullest tonight. He'd believed that this would involve playing to his tastes a bit, figuring things out as he goes. Even after their arguments, even after all this talk of love, he hadn't been able to imagine being wanted for more than his body and the performances he can put on with it. But the way Elias' pitch drops, gravely and heavy... Is it possible for him to believe that that's more than just the whiteness of his skin freed from its usual covers? He's been looked at with lust so many times. Condescending, corrupting, carnivorous lust, casting blame on him for his own predicament. Their pupils had been dark too, their hands had been clammy and sweaty and domineering. Is it possible to believe this time is different? He wants to.

Elias seems to be looking through the mere facts of his body, and when he touches him, Angelo wants to think that his hands are passing right through his skin, deeper, towards parts that matter more. He's been swallowed up so many times, but this time he wants to give more than hard-to-chew exterior. He wants to offer the sweetness of his flesh out of his own accord. There's a shiver down his spine, and it is not unpleasant. ]


Elias...

[ Angelo just barely has the presence of mind to take his uniform jacket and put it aside at the foot end of the bed, rather than leaving it to be crumpled and stained by what is to come. It's a very quick diversion before his arms reach up to wrap around Elias' shoulders, pulling him in. This body that he hasn't allowed anybody to see, the pale skin unmarred except for a few faint scars, he'll welcome Elias to it.

The air around them is cold even within the heated cabin, but Angelo doesn't feel the chill now. Elias' body is warm against his. Angelo drops a tentative row of kisses over his collarbones. He's never been proactive or gentle like this if he could help it, it feels novel. He's sure his cheeks are flushed with embarrassment. ]
Edited 2025-08-13 19:45 (UTC)
cleansheets: (27 serious; angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-17 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Angelo's breath is coming more quickly now, an unavoidable physical response that he can't neatly place as either arousal or nervousness. His body is not above reacting to the right kinds of touch, heartbeat rushing blood along until he's growing warmer all over. Elias' fingers are all over him - his body, always thin and thinner now for weeks in the scarcity of the arctic, the surprisingly trained musculature beneath the porcelain skin...

As Elias' tongue slips out to tease at his chest, Angelo can feel his breath hitching and his pants tightening. Ah... Arousal is mechanical. Angelo has learned that very early on. No matter how repulsed one may be, push the right buttons and you can make their body work for you. He'd often wondered if it was a defense mechanism, a feeble attempt of the physical form to draw out just enough pleasure to keep on getting by, to keep living. It had been pointless, anyhow. Only good as a selling point, masking just how detached he'd always been when someone laid their hands on him.

But he's not detached now, not in the same way. His mind is hazy, fluttery, uncertain where to linger and what to move on from, but he feels. His hands stay on Elias' shoulders as he moves down, aimlessly wandering just to keep touching, and Angelo's mind keeps repeating words, like a prayer. Elias wants me. He'll take all of me and spit nothing out. I can't be corrupted by him and I can't corrupt him. It's too late for both of us. He wants me.. He wants me... ]


... I like to say it.

[ He's a little slow to answer, too focused on breathing and feeling. This much is nothing, the lightest of foreplay, but he feels more worked up than usual. ]

It means it's just us. Nobody else matters.
cleansheets: (68 smile)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-17 09:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The smile is disarming yet armed, and it cuts through Angelo's anxieties like a sharp blade. It's the kind of smile Elias would give him when sharing a private joke, when assuring him of his worth, in all those other moments when it's only them and the world doesn't matter. The sheets are not clean, but they're as clean as Angelo can make them. Through his own efforts, in this private bedroom, on the washed sheets, they're still themselves.

Angelo exhales very slowly, willing tension out of his body. He wants me, he wants me, he wants... ]


Go ahead.

[ A whisper, a sigh at the tail end of his breath, an invitation. He doesn't have much wiggle room to spread his legs, but he makes an effort anyway. ]
cleansheets: (70 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-17 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Angelo huffs at that comment, softly indignant. The banter does well to calm his nerves and keep him grounded. They are still themselves. They can speak in ways he never would have with anybody else. ]

Last time you asked me this, you implied there would be nothing worthwhile to see under my clothes either.

[ Comparing that to the hungry way Elias drinks him in now is a difference of night and day. Dark lustful eyes... Angelo spreads his legs wide to accommodate for Elias between them, and ah... How many times has he been in that exact position, someone else looking down expectantly the way that he is now? It's not his first time having the tables turned, but it's the first time he feels something stir in his heart at being desired so.

So Elias swallows him up and Angelo leans back on his hands, fingers digging tightly into the mattress. His body is perfectly capable of responding as it should, even now, he is finding. There's a twisting feeling in his stomach, a light involuntary twitch of his thigh, and his nerves are burning up with the attention of a tongue over his most sensitive parts. How nice it would be, if he could easily pin-point these sensations as pleasure, but it doesn't come together that way so easily. It's as if he has his own body under a microscope. Instead of drifting far far away, he's now all-too-aware of every tingle and surge.

Is Elias enjoying this? Does it feel good to him, does he enjoy the taste and weight of it? Angelo finds it difficult to imagine, but he hopes so. He's quiet, and largely still, but his chest is heaving and his breath comes out in pants. ]
cleansheets: (23 surprise)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-18 08:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Elias maneuvers his leg, and Angelo looks down at him properly instead of having his gaze aimlessly wander along the walls and ceiling of the room. Elias... looks good like this. The thought startles Angelo as soon as it comes to him unbidden.

(He's heard that line many times, from many different men, with their fingers roughly pulling at his hair. "This is your place. You look good like this.")

He never thought that he'd think this about another person one day - it feels filthy, it feels wrong, it feels... true, also. The way Elias seems to basically be smiling around his shaft, like he'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world right now, it squeezes at Angelo's heart and at the tightly coiled arousal in his groin alike. He wants to ask about it, later, what it's like to take joy in this. But now... ]


Ah... Elias...

[ Angelo digs his heel into Elias' back and allows his voice to slip out. Quietly, because the walls are thin. Quietly, because he's flustered by the onslaught of sensations. But audible nevertheless, because Elias likes it. ]

Mhm... don't go too far. I want you to -hn-- take me properly.

[ If Elias can look like this when he's just using his mouth, what kind of face is he going to make when he pushes in all the way? What will his voice sound like? It's so disgusting, so obscene, to see a man lose himself to his desires, but Elias looks so natural on his knees in front of him. Still like himself.

Does Angelo look like the person Elias knows right now, flushed and breathing heavily? The angel of the cesspit has always looked this way, but Lieutenant Angelo Sauper... Will Elias still look at him the same, once all is said and done? ]
cleansheets: (70 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-19 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Angelo hisses lowly as Elias pushes inside. It's a sensation that used to be exceedingly routine, but it's been years since then. Now it feels more invasive, but also more-- Did his ring of muscles feel so electric before? It sends shivers down his spine and his breathing just won't quiet, even with his erection momentarily neglected. He shifts, bringing himself in an awkward angle, but giving Elias much better access. It'll be faster if he makes this more convenient.

"You can enjoy this, you know."

What preposterous words, what a pipe dream, but yet-- Elias' lips brush over Angelo's inner thigh just right and his whole body shudders. He'd somehow thought proper pleasure wouldn't be so strangely tickly - and is that what this is? Proper pleasure? Desire? Does he want-- ]


Of course, I want it.

[ It's easier to spit it out all indignant than it is to finish the thought in the privacy of his own head. ]

I want-- I need to know what it feels like when it's you, what it sounds like, I want-- They've all taken me apart, torn into me, spat me out, and it was so digusting, I was so filthy-- and you, you... I want it to be different.

[ It's already different, a strange mid-point. He can shiver and sigh and let himself feel, but it's... There is so much baggage, and even if Elias tells him to enjoy it, he's not sure how to make it click in the same way it is meant to for the more fortunate. Disparate sensations and emotions swirl through his mind chaotically.

Angelo unclenches one of his balled fists from the sheets so he can reach out and run a hand through Hickey's hair. Awkward, unsteady, not meant to allure, just to-- He wants to convey something. To them both. ]


Make me forget all of them. Elias.
cleansheets: (05 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-20 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's not been long since Angelo mistook this kind of heat for a purely physical kind of greed, but that feels distant now. As Elias comes for him, hot lips and probing tongue, Angelo is prepared to understand him, sweet words still ringing in his ears.

"Anything, for you."

If he were in a more coherent state of mind, he wouldn't believe him, and yet right now all he can think is Is this what 'anything' tastes like? If it is, then it's good. Even with an aftertaste of his own precum in Elias' mouth, Angelo can't help pushing off the bed a little to press into the kiss, to get closer even when closer is physically impossible.

I want this.

A terrifying realization with terrifying weight. Angelo wraps an arm around Elias' waist, pulling him in (closer, closer) and his other hand awkwardly worms between them to try and help with getting those useless pants off. He ends up hindering more than he's helping, but maybe that's fine-- It's the most enthusiasm he's ever had for getting another man's clothes off his body, and maybe that counts for something if he really, truly wants to enjoy this.

Wanting alone does not undo all the damage that has accumulated in his body and mind, he knows. There is a very real chance that he'll get hurt, and that's it. Not just because he's under-prepared and there is no lubricant available, but also because his psyche might simply reject all that he is currently so desperate to overwrite the past with. Any moment, he could grow numb and cold again, merely an object for someone else's pleasure. The prospect hadn't bothered him when he thought of this only as an exercise to bind Elias to him with his own desire, or as an experiment to see what Elias would be like in the throws of it-- It hadn't bothered him, because in none of the ways he framed it to himself did it ever have anything to do with him. His own physical form was a vehicle for greater goals, a means to an end.

Yet now he's felt it - the sparks that can run through him when he's touched just the right way by a person of his own choosing. Weird and wrong, too unfamiliar to be entirely comfortable, but yet enticing - full of potential. Angelo wants to hear Elias' hot breath, his strained sighs, and know that they're in this together, and maybe then-- Maybe then, when the noises are no longer revolting, maybe then he'll feel it completely. ]
cleansheets: (70 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-20 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's the first time he's seen a man he's actually attracted to naked. Angelo hadn't considered this aspect before, but as soon as Elias hovers over him it becomes impossible to ignore. That he is attracted to men in the first place had never been in question, but in practice, he'd always beheld their genitals with a sense of aversion. Just hot slimy meat, invading him. It had been different in his imagination, short hurried glimpses of an imagined Frontal before shame caught up with him, but brief phantom images are not the same as the real deal. He didn't know he could feel this kind of hunger for another body. That he could also become a slab of meat, ready to cannibalize another.

Elias' cock brushes against his own and Angelo's jaw drops as he lets out a desperate high-pitched sigh. He barely recognizes his own voice like this. He must be looking disgraceful, debauched to the fullest, reduced to nothing but this-- but Elias tells him he's stunning and all he can do is wish fervently that he truly believes that. That he sees something more in him than a consumable, even now. ]


... nnhh...

[ It hurts a little, to be entered without proper preparation. The pain is nothing in comparison to what he had to endure before, but if his goal is to enjoy rather than merely survive, then perhaps even this much pain is worth paying attention to...? What are his limits, what are necessary concessions? He doesn't know. It all feels a little ridiculous, especially when he's bursting with fearful anticipation of what is to come, but... He rests his hands on Elias' hipbones, slender and hot below his shaky fingers, and exhales slowly.

His heart is beating so wildly. He tries to will himself to relax, but at the same time he's an exposed wire, sensitive to all. ]


... you should say my name, too.

[ He's heard his name whispered and screamed in unpleasant voices, a cacophony in his memory. He doesn't want to remember that. He only wants to think of the way the Captain said it and of-- ]
cleansheets: (32 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-21 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Elias lets his eagerness show, and Angelo realizes that this is what he had been missing from the sensations when it had just been Elias' mouth on him. Another man's heavy arousal had only ever been a bother before, disgusting slobbering messes that they all were, but when it's here? When it's them? It feels more like an equalizer. There's a togetherness in their gasping breaths mingling, the way their heated bodies fit together. Elias wants him, and Angelo believes him.

Closer, closer. It feels so good when Elias leans in to him and Angelo's arms wrap around his shoulders, nails digging into skin just to keep him there. Part of him wants to tell Elias to just hurry it up, to push into him all the way with no regard for pain, to claim him as he desires... but the slow gradual forward rhythm is too sweet a torture. It's filled with care, it feels warm. ]


Yes... I want all of you.

[ Angelo angles his head so he can kiss Hickey's throat, soft and fleeting. ]

As deep as you can reach - give me everything. Take everything.

[ It's a manic kind of prayer to say it all out loud, but his heart is screaming for it. Take me, consume me, devour me, make me a part of you.

With every careful thrust of Elias' hips, Angelo's body allows more of him inside. Closer, closer. The hold on Elias' shoulders was designed to keep him from leaving, but quickly shifts purpose. Now Angelo is holding on to steady himself. Closer, closer. He's taken larger men before, but that was years ago. It's difficult now, to adjust to the feeling of fullness, but it is also more rewarding than it had ever been before.

When Elias finally bottoms out, Angelo feels delirious with desire. Gasps have turned to moans and tears sting in his eyes, and he wants. ]


-- more.

[ He doesn't think he's ever asked this of someone in earnest. ]
cleansheets: (23 surprise)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-22 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Closer, closer, closer - as close as they can go. That's how it feels when Elias holds him tightly, pressing them both into the thin mattress with his weight and fervent thrusting. Angelo could disappear in him like this, completely shielded from the world. No bright lights can reach him here, there's just hot twilight; the dim lamps of the ship and the perfect darkness of burying his face in Elias' shoulder and muffling his moans against his body.

He could hold the noises back if he tried, but he's past the point of wanting to try. Elias' hand is stroking him to match the way his cock is reaching every hidden part of him, and Angelo feels light-headed with it. It's reminiscent of the foggy bliss he'd get from the rare good drug trip back in the day, but now it's entirely from within. He wants, he wants, he wants. ]


Elias, ah-- Elias...

[ Gasped against his shoulder, hot lips trailing over his skin. He likes when I say his name is one of the few conscious thoughts that floats through Angelo's mind as he tries to rut back against Elias' hips, chasing sensation. Before they began, Angelo had entertained thoughts of putting his skills to use, but what he is doing now is a lot less practiced, simply graceless instinct.

He doesn't know how long they've been losing themselves in this rhythm, but he does know that he won't last much longer, with all this tension pooling tightly in his gut. ]


-- everything-- I want--

[ It's hardly a full thought to begin with and he doesn't finish it before his mind goes blank and he spills over Elias' hand and his own chest. He's clinging to Elias tightly the whole way through, not willing to compromise on even an inch of their togetherness. He's lost in his own pleasure now, for the first time, but it's only Elias' body that can anchor him in it, keep him from getting lost in nameless anxieties instead. He wants to melt into him, shuddering sweaty mess that he is, and never resurface. ]
cleansheets: (06 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-24 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's difficult for Angelo to catch his breath, with Elias still on top of him, inside him, all around him. They're one. He's been swallowed up completely, become part of someone else. And it felt... it feels--

Angelo's fingers, which had been tightly digging into Elias' shoulder blades, finally relax and his hands drop down to rest on the small of Elias' back instead. His skin is still burning up with residual heat from their union, their consummation, their--

You smell nice.

There's a little laugh from Angelo, startled and shaky. His voice is quiet, a little dreamy. ]


...now of all times to say this...?

[ All his efforts with soap and perfume must surely be washed away by the sweaty sheen covering his body, leaving him like any other body. Just meat, just flesh, just--

-- it felt good.

His mind is a jumble, but the finished thought cuts through him like a clear ring from a bell through white noise. It felt good. For the first time in his life, he'd been craving more rather than merely lying back and waiting until it was all over. With Elias inside him, he'd been desperate for it, to have him deeper and harder, pressing up against all the most sensitive parts of himself. A feeling he could not have imagined for himself, that didn't factor even into his most private fantasies. Wanting. ]

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