spotsalone: (Default)
Cornelius Hickey ([personal profile] spotsalone) wrote2025-04-11 07:04 pm
cleansheets: (23 surprise)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-18 08:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Elias maneuvers his leg, and Angelo looks down at him properly instead of having his gaze aimlessly wander along the walls and ceiling of the room. Elias... looks good like this. The thought startles Angelo as soon as it comes to him unbidden.

(He's heard that line many times, from many different men, with their fingers roughly pulling at his hair. "This is your place. You look good like this.")

He never thought that he'd think this about another person one day - it feels filthy, it feels wrong, it feels... true, also. The way Elias seems to basically be smiling around his shaft, like he'd rather be here than anywhere else in the world right now, it squeezes at Angelo's heart and at the tightly coiled arousal in his groin alike. He wants to ask about it, later, what it's like to take joy in this. But now... ]


Ah... Elias...

[ Angelo digs his heel into Elias' back and allows his voice to slip out. Quietly, because the walls are thin. Quietly, because he's flustered by the onslaught of sensations. But audible nevertheless, because Elias likes it. ]

Mhm... don't go too far. I want you to -hn-- take me properly.

[ If Elias can look like this when he's just using his mouth, what kind of face is he going to make when he pushes in all the way? What will his voice sound like? It's so disgusting, so obscene, to see a man lose himself to his desires, but Elias looks so natural on his knees in front of him. Still like himself.

Does Angelo look like the person Elias knows right now, flushed and breathing heavily? The angel of the cesspit has always looked this way, but Lieutenant Angelo Sauper... Will Elias still look at him the same, once all is said and done? ]
cleansheets: (70 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-19 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Angelo hisses lowly as Elias pushes inside. It's a sensation that used to be exceedingly routine, but it's been years since then. Now it feels more invasive, but also more-- Did his ring of muscles feel so electric before? It sends shivers down his spine and his breathing just won't quiet, even with his erection momentarily neglected. He shifts, bringing himself in an awkward angle, but giving Elias much better access. It'll be faster if he makes this more convenient.

"You can enjoy this, you know."

What preposterous words, what a pipe dream, but yet-- Elias' lips brush over Angelo's inner thigh just right and his whole body shudders. He'd somehow thought proper pleasure wouldn't be so strangely tickly - and is that what this is? Proper pleasure? Desire? Does he want-- ]


Of course, I want it.

[ It's easier to spit it out all indignant than it is to finish the thought in the privacy of his own head. ]

I want-- I need to know what it feels like when it's you, what it sounds like, I want-- They've all taken me apart, torn into me, spat me out, and it was so digusting, I was so filthy-- and you, you... I want it to be different.

[ It's already different, a strange mid-point. He can shiver and sigh and let himself feel, but it's... There is so much baggage, and even if Elias tells him to enjoy it, he's not sure how to make it click in the same way it is meant to for the more fortunate. Disparate sensations and emotions swirl through his mind chaotically.

Angelo unclenches one of his balled fists from the sheets so he can reach out and run a hand through Hickey's hair. Awkward, unsteady, not meant to allure, just to-- He wants to convey something. To them both. ]


Make me forget all of them. Elias.
cleansheets: (05 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-20 06:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's not been long since Angelo mistook this kind of heat for a purely physical kind of greed, but that feels distant now. As Elias comes for him, hot lips and probing tongue, Angelo is prepared to understand him, sweet words still ringing in his ears.

"Anything, for you."

If he were in a more coherent state of mind, he wouldn't believe him, and yet right now all he can think is Is this what 'anything' tastes like? If it is, then it's good. Even with an aftertaste of his own precum in Elias' mouth, Angelo can't help pushing off the bed a little to press into the kiss, to get closer even when closer is physically impossible.

I want this.

A terrifying realization with terrifying weight. Angelo wraps an arm around Elias' waist, pulling him in (closer, closer) and his other hand awkwardly worms between them to try and help with getting those useless pants off. He ends up hindering more than he's helping, but maybe that's fine-- It's the most enthusiasm he's ever had for getting another man's clothes off his body, and maybe that counts for something if he really, truly wants to enjoy this.

Wanting alone does not undo all the damage that has accumulated in his body and mind, he knows. There is a very real chance that he'll get hurt, and that's it. Not just because he's under-prepared and there is no lubricant available, but also because his psyche might simply reject all that he is currently so desperate to overwrite the past with. Any moment, he could grow numb and cold again, merely an object for someone else's pleasure. The prospect hadn't bothered him when he thought of this only as an exercise to bind Elias to him with his own desire, or as an experiment to see what Elias would be like in the throws of it-- It hadn't bothered him, because in none of the ways he framed it to himself did it ever have anything to do with him. His own physical form was a vehicle for greater goals, a means to an end.

Yet now he's felt it - the sparks that can run through him when he's touched just the right way by a person of his own choosing. Weird and wrong, too unfamiliar to be entirely comfortable, but yet enticing - full of potential. Angelo wants to hear Elias' hot breath, his strained sighs, and know that they're in this together, and maybe then-- Maybe then, when the noises are no longer revolting, maybe then he'll feel it completely. ]
cleansheets: (70 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-20 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's the first time he's seen a man he's actually attracted to naked. Angelo hadn't considered this aspect before, but as soon as Elias hovers over him it becomes impossible to ignore. That he is attracted to men in the first place had never been in question, but in practice, he'd always beheld their genitals with a sense of aversion. Just hot slimy meat, invading him. It had been different in his imagination, short hurried glimpses of an imagined Frontal before shame caught up with him, but brief phantom images are not the same as the real deal. He didn't know he could feel this kind of hunger for another body. That he could also become a slab of meat, ready to cannibalize another.

Elias' cock brushes against his own and Angelo's jaw drops as he lets out a desperate high-pitched sigh. He barely recognizes his own voice like this. He must be looking disgraceful, debauched to the fullest, reduced to nothing but this-- but Elias tells him he's stunning and all he can do is wish fervently that he truly believes that. That he sees something more in him than a consumable, even now. ]


... nnhh...

[ It hurts a little, to be entered without proper preparation. The pain is nothing in comparison to what he had to endure before, but if his goal is to enjoy rather than merely survive, then perhaps even this much pain is worth paying attention to...? What are his limits, what are necessary concessions? He doesn't know. It all feels a little ridiculous, especially when he's bursting with fearful anticipation of what is to come, but... He rests his hands on Elias' hipbones, slender and hot below his shaky fingers, and exhales slowly.

His heart is beating so wildly. He tries to will himself to relax, but at the same time he's an exposed wire, sensitive to all. ]


... you should say my name, too.

[ He's heard his name whispered and screamed in unpleasant voices, a cacophony in his memory. He doesn't want to remember that. He only wants to think of the way the Captain said it and of-- ]
cleansheets: (32 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-21 09:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Elias lets his eagerness show, and Angelo realizes that this is what he had been missing from the sensations when it had just been Elias' mouth on him. Another man's heavy arousal had only ever been a bother before, disgusting slobbering messes that they all were, but when it's here? When it's them? It feels more like an equalizer. There's a togetherness in their gasping breaths mingling, the way their heated bodies fit together. Elias wants him, and Angelo believes him.

Closer, closer. It feels so good when Elias leans in to him and Angelo's arms wrap around his shoulders, nails digging into skin just to keep him there. Part of him wants to tell Elias to just hurry it up, to push into him all the way with no regard for pain, to claim him as he desires... but the slow gradual forward rhythm is too sweet a torture. It's filled with care, it feels warm. ]


Yes... I want all of you.

[ Angelo angles his head so he can kiss Hickey's throat, soft and fleeting. ]

As deep as you can reach - give me everything. Take everything.

[ It's a manic kind of prayer to say it all out loud, but his heart is screaming for it. Take me, consume me, devour me, make me a part of you.

With every careful thrust of Elias' hips, Angelo's body allows more of him inside. Closer, closer. The hold on Elias' shoulders was designed to keep him from leaving, but quickly shifts purpose. Now Angelo is holding on to steady himself. Closer, closer. He's taken larger men before, but that was years ago. It's difficult now, to adjust to the feeling of fullness, but it is also more rewarding than it had ever been before.

When Elias finally bottoms out, Angelo feels delirious with desire. Gasps have turned to moans and tears sting in his eyes, and he wants. ]


-- more.

[ He doesn't think he's ever asked this of someone in earnest. ]
cleansheets: (23 surprise)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-22 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Closer, closer, closer - as close as they can go. That's how it feels when Elias holds him tightly, pressing them both into the thin mattress with his weight and fervent thrusting. Angelo could disappear in him like this, completely shielded from the world. No bright lights can reach him here, there's just hot twilight; the dim lamps of the ship and the perfect darkness of burying his face in Elias' shoulder and muffling his moans against his body.

He could hold the noises back if he tried, but he's past the point of wanting to try. Elias' hand is stroking him to match the way his cock is reaching every hidden part of him, and Angelo feels light-headed with it. It's reminiscent of the foggy bliss he'd get from the rare good drug trip back in the day, but now it's entirely from within. He wants, he wants, he wants. ]


Elias, ah-- Elias...

[ Gasped against his shoulder, hot lips trailing over his skin. He likes when I say his name is one of the few conscious thoughts that floats through Angelo's mind as he tries to rut back against Elias' hips, chasing sensation. Before they began, Angelo had entertained thoughts of putting his skills to use, but what he is doing now is a lot less practiced, simply graceless instinct.

He doesn't know how long they've been losing themselves in this rhythm, but he does know that he won't last much longer, with all this tension pooling tightly in his gut. ]


-- everything-- I want--

[ It's hardly a full thought to begin with and he doesn't finish it before his mind goes blank and he spills over Elias' hand and his own chest. He's clinging to Elias tightly the whole way through, not willing to compromise on even an inch of their togetherness. He's lost in his own pleasure now, for the first time, but it's only Elias' body that can anchor him in it, keep him from getting lost in nameless anxieties instead. He wants to melt into him, shuddering sweaty mess that he is, and never resurface. ]
cleansheets: (06 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-24 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's difficult for Angelo to catch his breath, with Elias still on top of him, inside him, all around him. They're one. He's been swallowed up completely, become part of someone else. And it felt... it feels--

Angelo's fingers, which had been tightly digging into Elias' shoulder blades, finally relax and his hands drop down to rest on the small of Elias' back instead. His skin is still burning up with residual heat from their union, their consummation, their--

You smell nice.

There's a little laugh from Angelo, startled and shaky. His voice is quiet, a little dreamy. ]


...now of all times to say this...?

[ All his efforts with soap and perfume must surely be washed away by the sweaty sheen covering his body, leaving him like any other body. Just meat, just flesh, just--

-- it felt good.

His mind is a jumble, but the finished thought cuts through him like a clear ring from a bell through white noise. It felt good. For the first time in his life, he'd been craving more rather than merely lying back and waiting until it was all over. With Elias inside him, he'd been desperate for it, to have him deeper and harder, pressing up against all the most sensitive parts of himself. A feeling he could not have imagined for himself, that didn't factor even into his most private fantasies. Wanting. ]
cleansheets: (05 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-24 09:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Elias slides out from inside him and Angelo thinks Ah. That's gross. which is at least a familiar feeling, though totally mismatched with the strange physical glow that has settled over all of him. He'd known that there wouldn't be condoms in the early Middle Age, and it's certainly far from his first time doing it raw, but... Ugh, I'm filled with--

The thought doesn't continue, because regarding this as 'filth' like he used to suddenly feels wrong. It's not filth, it's not clean, it's just... It's cum, nothing more or less. Maybe it really is that simple. So why does trying to wrap his mind around it threaten to make him feel sick?

It's good that Elias is already on the case to try and clean them up a little, which Angelo lets happen without really moving. He's worn out, physically, and his mind feels as though it's been wrapped in cotton. Angelo watches him with a dazed expression, and his vision feels blurred. It takes a second until he realizes that it's tears filling his eyes. ]


... are you always so well-prepared...?
cleansheets: (72 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-24 10:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's the question that finally makes Angelo sit up a little, raising the hand that Elias isn't holding to rub at his own eyes. It's tears alright, and now that he's noticed them, they only seem to replenish. It's been a long time since he truly cried. Tears are for violations or for nightmares, neither of which are anywhere close to this. Sure, he's filthy now, filthier than he was before, but it wasn't--- It's not right to cry about this. It's not right, but... ]

I don't...

[ It had felt so warm to be with Elias. He'd felt so complete, wrapped up in another person. Swallowed up and consumed, yet not diminished. This whole time, this whole entire time, that capacity had still rested within him. ]

I am alright, so why...

[ He grips Elias' hand tightly, as if he's holding onto him yet again. ]
cleansheets: (34 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-24 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The blanket is rough, nothing like the sheets from his childhood that he remembers more clearly than his father's voice, but Angelo knows that it is freshly washed because he'd taken that duty upon himself. Scratchy linens, washed in seawater... A thin mattress soaked in their sweat... It's a poor excuse for what he really wants, but it's more than he's ever had before. And isn't it just fitting? Their imperfect doomed affections, their dirtied souls... This is the best they can be. Purity is so far beyond them.

And yet Angelo is glad to slot his shamefully naked body right against Elias', seeking to prolong the feeling of togetherness that has bloomed between them. The tears continue falling and there is no amount of stubbornness that seems to want to stop them, so Angelo surrenders himself. ]


... I thought my body had long forgotten how to feel this way.

[ A quiet admission as he wraps his arm around Elias' waist and intertwines their legs. It is followed by a small strangled sob. His body really is a traitor. ]
cleansheets: (06 serious)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-25 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It is a good thing, because it has to be. He's proven what he wanted to prove, gone above and beyond in it. This should be a triumph, for them both. Though Angelo can't give Elias what he wants emotionally, physically he is a perfect match. Even now that their ecstasy has subsided, his body slots perfectly against Elias', warmth sustaining warmth under the protective cover of the blanket. It's a victory, and he still can't bring himself to feel smug about it. No, his emotions are as strange and unpredictable as these tears, impossible to hold on to. ]

You'd like that, wouldn't you? Overwrite every single of those times, one by one?

[ He tilts his head so he can press a kiss to Elias' lips, chaste and soft. There's a shaky smile playing at his lips - the teasing would come across better if his face wasn't still wet with tears, but there's nothing he can do about that right now. ]

You have your work cut out for you.
cleansheets: (26 smile)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-25 09:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[ It's difficult to stop crying entirely, but even as tears keep refilling his eyes, Angelo tries to pay it no further mind. This is not an occasion for tears. Their consummate relationship feels fresh and new, the crumbling foundations from earlier filled in with new mortar. As long as they can have this, maybe the end won't come so quickly. As long as the hand-washed sheets can cover them both... ]

I will.

[ The offer is a relief, a solution for a problem he hadn't wholly thought about facing yet. But the thought of going back to his own cabin, smelling of sweat and sex and aching from underprepared penetration... It makes him shudder. He'd much rather remain right here, Elias' arms wrapped tightly around him. As long as Elias is here, to look at him like he's precious...

He'll be able to forget the way his face looked earlier today, the hurt in his eyes, the horrifying gulf opening up between.

Angelo runs his hand along Elias' upper arm, just enjoying the feeling of skin on skin for nothing but its own sake. He hadn't thought it pleasant before, so it's new to explore. ]


... this is what it's all meant to feel like, isn't it?
cleansheets: (46 angst)

[personal profile] cleansheets 2025-08-26 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ What a demand that is, after Elias has just enjoyed said body so thoroughly. Angelo can feel Elias' passion for the body in the sensitivity of his lips, in the red marks dug into his thigh, in the sore ache deep within. It's a dark satisfaction to know that his physical form has not lost its edge, that he can satisfy Elias' lust just as he always knew he would. None of the words Elias breathed in the heat of it are new either. To be wanted, to be stunning, even the offer of anything... Angelo has heard it all before, and it had meant nothing then.

Yet, he does believe. Now, more than ever.

To Elias, the body and the mind are one. It took feeling him all around and inside for Angelo to understand that. Where Angelo has spent his life trying to outrun his body, Elias is his flesh. The way his lips press against Angelo's forehead, the way his hand comes to rest on the small of his back, all of it is Elias' voice and Angelo had been deaf to it. He'd used to think of it as degrading to be reduced to the body, and he hadn't been able to fathom how the customers who lost themselves in lust willingly threw away their minds and wills to become just animated meat, nothing more. Low, vile, disgusting.

It doesn't feel disgusting when Elias is touching him, and it doesn't feel empty. Elias loves his body, yet when he touches it, he's also reaching beyond the skin. When he touches it, he touches Angelo, and the flesh and the soul are one and the same for the first time in his life.

Angelo exhales slowly, as if preparing himself to speak a vow. ]


I do believe you. Even before, I knew you meant it. I just couldn't... I didn't get it. I didn't know I could still feel like myself when someone else is touching me.

[ He shifts again, his hand wandering from Elias' side back to a familiar spot over his heart. ]

This is me. I'm not disappearing.

[ There is a hint of wonder hidden in the melancholy of his voice as he whispers it. ]

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-08-27 20:43 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-08-30 20:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-08-30 23:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-08-31 00:51 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-03 19:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-03 22:47 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-05 23:23 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-06 20:57 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-06 23:52 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-07 18:16 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-07 22:28 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-08 00:00 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-08 18:39 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-09 20:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] cleansheets - 2025-09-10 19:41 (UTC) - Expand