Cornelius Hickey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
spotsalone) wrote2025-04-11 07:04 pm
spotsalone) wrote2025-04-11 07:04 pm
Entry tags:
angelo and the hickster's post-belle arctic adventures
angelo cr chart
mutineers cr chart...
timeline:
- arrival; late july, mutineers' hill
- tent chats; early august, temporary camp
- spotting the ships; late august, terror camp
- tuunbaq attack; sept 1, ice floe camp
- boarding terror; fellas it's gay; early sept, hms terror
- dog to dog communication; early sept, forecastle
- bark bark bark; early sept, on deck
- coat! and post-tozer debrief; early sept, angelo's cabin
- 🌶️; early sept, hickey's cabin
- the dogs are unionizing(?); mid sept, cargo hold
- tozer/captain stuff, look at them having an adult conversation; mid sept, greatroom
- little rescue mission; early oct, terror bay
- post-little debrief; early oct, hickey's cabin
no subject
No. Evidently, Crozier did not place much value on keeping detailed records. Much of what's here is barely legible, anyway.
[ That's a little harsher than the reality, but all that drinking did have an effect on his penmanship. The logs from last winter—which were arguably the most important—suffered especially, with some lines reduced to scribbles and smeared ink. Pathetic.
He flips the log closed and turns in his chair, folding his arms across the back of it. ]
Upon reflection, our new addition will be advantageous for us. It's reined Tozer in again. Hodgson will appreciate the effort, too. We may yet be able to secure his loyalty.
[ Granted, that loyalty would largely be bought through blackmail. He committed mutiny just the same as the rest of them. Still, Little's reappearance should help smooth things over. ]
no subject
Mhm.
[ It's barely worth being called a comment but it's accompanied by a nod. Angelo is looking down at his boots, contemplating for a moment before going through the trouble of kicking them off. It feels more difficult than it needs be, and he wonders if his movements look as graceless to Hickey as they feel to Angelo. After a few seconds that feel a little bit too long, he's completed his task and pulls his legs up on the bed so he can wrap himself up in the blanket. It's not clean. It doesn't smell good. It's not even particularly warm. But he feels a bit more anchored for it.
Now nicely packaged where he is sitting, he looks back at Hickey. ]
I guess you're right. The tenderhearted can thank us for our heroic efforts. And Hodgeson's definitely a tenderhearted.
no subject
[ Should Little survive, he'll likely prove useful in other ways, as well. He's an ineffective leader that will be easy to manipulate, especially when he owes them his life, but he too should be a wealth of information when it comes to sailing and navigation. He ran the ship in Crozier's absence last winter, and should thus be privy to the goings-ons therein... Prying that information out of him should not be difficult, even just for curiosity's sake. Not to mention he'll be able to tell them just what happened to their captain. Why wasn't his corpse among—
Hickey's delve into strategy is interrupted as Angelo nestles himself into the blanket. The action strikes him as odd, as does Angelo's halfhearted commentary. Hickey expected him to have more to say about Little, especially where Tozer is concerned. The sergeant's loyalty has been a regular topic of conversation between them.
He drops his spent cigarette into the cup on the desk and tips his head curiously, studying Angelo for clues. It's been a taxing day in many ways, but they've had taxing days before... even if today's discovery was more horrifying than most. ]
What's wrong?
no subject
I'm just exhausted.
[ For what it's worth, he doesn't sound like he is making excuses. And just by looking at him, it's difficult to doubt the truth of his statement. His condition has been declining subtly but steadily since they arrived in the arctic. His once unblemished skin is rougher now and his lips are chapped. He's thinner, too, and even though he sleeps a decent amount every night, the circles under his eyes won't seem to fully fade anymore. Though the shade of his hair and the purple of his irises still mark him as an outsider, he's blending in with the crew in more ways than not now. ]
It's noisy outside. I'd rather be here.
[ He'd rather be with Hickey than eat from poison tins when the smell of the leg in the fireplace is still lingering in his nose. It's still possible to ruin your appetite even while starving, it turns out. ]
no subject
[ Hickey gets up from the chair to join Angelo on the bed. Angelo has nestled himself into the corner, and between the annoying gate at the edge and the beams arching out from the wall, Hickey can't quite get next to him. Instead, he tugs at the blanket, beckoning Angelo to scoot over so he can wrap him up in his arms.
It's clear that these past months in the arctic have taken their toll on Angelo, but Hickey attributes the bulk of that deterioration to the rough living conditions. Living on the ship is far easier on their bodies than hauling across land, but little else has changed. The weather, the food, the stress... Hickey will never call attention to it, but he suspects these factors affect Angelo more than the others simply because he is newer to this reality. His body has known suffering, but the rest of the men are more accustomed to it. It's that saying about frogs and boiling water, albeit applied for a different context.
However, this newness is also to Angelo's advantage. Everyone else, Hickey included, spent years living off the tins, and it hasn't killed them yet. The illnesses affecting the others, whether it be poison or scurvy, have had much longer to take hold. Angelo will be spared from those horrors, at least. ]
We'll let the others handle the hunting trips from now on. There's little reason for us to go out again.
[ Truthfully, there wasn't a reason for them to go this time, either. Hickey just wanted to get off of the ship for a bit. ]
no subject
Probably for the better. I've never had to hunt game before.
[ An admission he'd only make in private - none can know how inadequate he truly is for their situation, but Hickey is already more than aware of every single one of his shortcomings. There is no need for posturing here. Not for much of it, anyway. If he's truthful, Angelo isn't sure if he could physically handle another march like that. ]
... I feel like I can still smell that dreadful pile of corpses.
[ Though Hickey's insistent scent of tobacco does a better job drowning it out than any of his perfume attempts had. ]
no subject
And then Angelo brings up the camp. Damn. Once they established that Angelo was not here to gripe about Little, Hickey was looking forward to a more reliable distraction than paging through log books. He sighs, benignly irritated, though he takes pains to keep that irritation out of his voice. He would be happy to provide comfort if he wasn't in a hurry to move on from the issue for his own sake. ]
That's just your mind playing tricks. Give it a day and try not to think about it.
[ The stench of death does linger, though. It's one of the first details his mind dredges up too when he allows his thoughts to drift back to this morning. ]
no subject
Yeah, I know. It's not the first time I've dealt with it, just... Ugh, it's gross.
[ It dredged up unpleasant memories from a time when he was too small to conceptualize any of what happened. A glimpse into his distant past and a glimpse into their immediate future, should they not procure more supplies. What a grisly combination.
Angelo glances up at Hickey. The angle is awkward but he isn't willing to break their connection to pull back and really get a look at him. ]
Is that why you've got this room smelling like an ashtray?
[ He shouldn't pry. It's never gone well. But even though Hickey's always enjoyed his cigarettes, he's not usually a chainsmoker. ]
no subject
Yes, well, Solomon was right, wasn't he? That could have been us, had we gone along with Crozier like good little sailors.
[ It's a haunting thought. Hickey suspects Tozer's upset is largely due to the "what if" of it all, the knowledge of the near miss. Following his orders like a loyal marine would have led him to a sad, miserable death. Of course he finds that upsetting. Although he was quick to join the mutiny and never showed signs of hesitation, the idea of defecting is still new to him. Tozer is not a man who handles shake-ups in his worldview with ease.
Hickey has always known that he cannot trust any system to treat him as more than a commodity. His trust in Crozier was easily broken because it was never freely given; he never blindly assumed Crozier would ensure his survival. What bothers him about the camp is its inevitability. Tozer credits Hickey's leadership with escaping that fate, but Hickey knows now that they were destined to die regardless. By the time they started the march south, their men were too weak and their resources were too few for any hope of survival.
Without Ish's intervention, all of them would be dead. Even Angelo. No amount of ingenuity or manipulation or sheer will to survive would have made a difference. Hickey was dead from the moment he set foot on Terror—and he would have been dead if he hadn't, too. Where does that leave him? How far back would he have to travel to escape his own sad, miserable death?
So, sure, they can talk about the bloody camp. On the surface, it's just another horror in a long line of them. ]
It's one thing to imagine such a death. It's another to see it firsthand.
no subject
Mhm. I thought I was used to it.
[ But that was then, in a different life and with a different kind of death. An overdose, a beating... Starvation was part of the mix back then as well, but not like this. The inevitable end in the gutter that Angelo had avoided through the grace of his Captain... It's been replaced by a creeping dread that he is building towards something even more bleak. ]
Guess you never really are, even when that end's been rendered nothing but a hypothetical for you.
[ On most days, it is easy to forget that the body he is holding is merely a conduit for a soul that resides elsewhere, but in moments like this it comes starkly into focus. Many of then will die here, perhaps including Angelo himself, but Hickey never could. ]
no subject
I wouldn't say that. A hypothetical is a reality that will never come to be. I may have avoided this particular end for myself, but it's still part of the story.
[ Their current circumstances are a strange transition for him in that way. If his survival had always been guaranteed through immortality, perhaps the camp would be easier to ignore. The chapter of his mortality has not been fully closed yet, and won't be until they're far away from this place. He may no longer be threatened with death, but the arctic still has its claws in him, doesn't it?
Especially now that there's more at stake than just his own survival. Angelo is not immune to the dangers here, not by a long shot. His future in this world may never have included the potential for ending up like those corpses at the camp, but now that future is much more likely for him than for Hickey.
He hugs Angelo to him a little more tightly. ]
It's not as if I had any control over Ish's intervention, either.
[ The sentiment escapes him before he realizes he's traded one uncomfortable topic for another. Their adventure today has worn him out too, leaving his mind dull and distracted. Annoying, but at least the misstep is with Angelo and not someone he'd be more reticent with. ]
no subject
And he prolonged Hickey's in exactly the same way.
Angelo had never realized - not when Hickey told him about the perils of the expedition back at the castle, not when he agreed to come to the arctic with him and not even when they were marching the grueling miles back towards the ships. A risk of death, yes, even a great one, but... ]
... we'd both have wound up frozen bodies never to be found.
[ This was certainty. Of course it was. The Tuunbaq would not have saved Hickey. They know that now. Angelo saw it happen, and it had been an illusion but it had also been a vision.
They'd have been two unfortunate lowlifes preserved in ice, yet forever unknown.
What a thing to have in common. And what a stomach-turning prospect. His own near-death still fills his mind with a kind of longing, but Hickey among those wretched figures at the camp... He didn't think it was possible to feel any sicker about the memory. ]
I still want to rip Ish to shreds for all of it, but his timing was decent on that one.
no subject
He'll get what's coming to him eventually. His timing is the only thing he's good for—although... I'm still cross with him for ratting me out over the frog toy, but I would have gotten away with it otherwise...
[ Which means he would not have been executed, which means he would not have earned immortality through death. Ugh. ]
Let's not give him that much credit. Perhaps instead let's consider it a reminder that the best path forward may not look it in the moment.
[ Hickey's execution was certainly a low point for him, but in reality, it was the best thing that could have happened. The same goes for Angelo and being deprived of death. Hickey knows better than to ask about it again, but surely someday Angelo will admit that he's glad for the change of course. ]
no subject
Alright. Let's.
[ Hickey's optimism is an eternal point of fascination to Angelo. It's an attitude he associates with bright-eyed fools, with the kind of people they were stuck with at the castle, idealists who do not know better. Hickey is none of that - he's just adept at spinning things. A conman who never stops and yet somehow he's got everybody fooled. Angelo included.
After all, he can't help thinking that Hickey has a point. If Ish hadn't sabotaged him at the end, if they hadn't met in that hall of mirrors, if... It's pointless to speculate, and still. ]
I don't like the idea of fumbling blindly forward, but we'll just have to play the cards we're given. As always.
no subject
Hickey lets his arms fall to Angelo's waist instead, hoping the subtle shift will stop him from associating this moment with the memory of Billy. Really, the similarities are thin. He's only thinking of it now because of the camp, surely. ]
It's only blind fumbling if you aren't using your head. Ish didn't intend to provide us with the opportunities he did; we were the ones to capitalize on them.
[ There is an element of blind fumbling, of course, but Hickey refuses to think of it in those terms. He prefers to squeeze any semblance of control he can get out of a given situation. ]
We'll do the same with this new development. Bringing Little on board is sure to unlock a number of opportunities we haven't anticipated.
no subject
Then let's hope Tozer knows what he's doing and he doesn't croak on us immediately. If you want to go for the emotional appeal, surely we should make a longer show of trying to keep him stable.
[ Although the 'we' in this is as generous as the one Hickey had been using - Angelo has no intention of attending to Little himself.
There's a beat in which it seems like that's all Angelo had to say, but then he adds on another question: ]
What kind of person was he, as a lieutenant?
[ His predecessor - the first lieutenant of HMS Terror. It's not as though Angelo has truly started identifying with the title, but holding it gives him a measure of security to anchor himself in a story that fundamentally was not meant to include him. ]