angelo and the hickster's post-belle arctic adventures

[spotsalone]

mutineers:

• Sgt. Solomon Tozer, marine (T)
  
• Magnus Manson, AB (T)
  
• Lt. George Hodgson, lieutenant (T)
  
• Charles Des Voeux, mate (E)
  
• Pvt. William Pilkington, marine (E)
  
• John Diggle, cook (T) - lung damage from inhaling goodsir's evil cloud
  
• THE STUPID FOX
  
• Pvt. James Daly, marine (T) - mauled by the Tuunbaq
  
• Edmund Hoar, captain's steward (E) - throw into the water by the Tuunbaq
  
• "Pvt." Thomas Armitage, gunroom steward (T) - mauled by the Tuunbaq
  
• Harry Goodsir, surgeon (E) - rescued by Silna after the Tuunbaq attack
  

boat boys:

• John Lane, boatswain (T)
  
• James Rigden, coxswain (E)
  
• John Sullivan, captain of the maintop (E)
  
• Robert Ferrier, AB (T)
  
• Robert Thomas, mate (T) - actively dying of scurvy for the crime of having two first names
  
• and perhaps eventually lt. little depending on how much of our minds we lose along the way
  
• Thomas Terry, boatswain (E) - died from scurvy before the mutineers showed up
  
• Thomas Work, AB (T) - died from scurvy before the mutineers showed up

angelo cr chart
mutineers cr chart...

timeline:

• arrival; late july, mutineers' hill
  
• tent chats; early august, temporary camp
  
• spotting the ships; late august, terror camp
  
• tuunbaq attack; sept 1, ice floe camp
  
• boarding terror; fellas it's gay; early sept, hms terror
  
• dog to dog communication; early sept, forecastle
  
• bark bark bark; early sept, on deck
  
• coat! and post-tozer debrief; early sept, angelo's cabin

Comments

[spotsalone]

[ Angelo squares up and Hickey turns to match him, still grinning as he inhales deeply. There's a fondness in the sigh that follows. If there's anything positive to come from being trapped in this precarious situation, it's that all men will eventually reveal their true selves under such conditions. Angelo certainly believes he's above all of this now, but will that change in a month's time?

Hickey hopes it doesn't. Wouldn't that be something? ]

And you knew what this was going to be when you accepted my offer.

[ The cannibalism, the bear... Hickey may not have prepared him for every reality, but he hit the major beats. ]

Why did you accept, then? Other than to evade your better offers.

[cleansheets]

[ Angelo wrinkles his nose in annoyance at that question. Of course Hickey would wait to put him on the spot until he can no longer turn away. It makes perfect sense, and yet Angelo had been hoping he'd get away with never explaining what is, on its face, a perfectly insane decision. (It's an insane decision even if he does explain it, he knows.)

It's the sharp edge to the way Hickey says 'better offers' that soothes Angelo's frustrations. Struck a nerve with that, huh?

Still, he takes his time in answering. Takes a deep breath of cold air that still feels off in his lungs, and lets his gaze wander over the endless white and grey of King William's Land for just a second. Why did he accept? Not for the view, no matter how strangely breathtaking it is. ]

... you say you want to 'truly live', at the end of it. I want to see what that looks like.

[ It's not the full answer, but it's the least revealing and least insulting part of it. ]

[spotsalone]

[ It looks like a sex cult in Vermont, buddy.

Hickey watches Angelo closely as he considers the question. For a moment, he thinks maybe there is no answer, as Angelo hasn't quite unpacked it for himself yet.

When the answer does come, it's not new information, not really, but it is unexpected. One that could be interpreted in a number of different ways, though ultimately they all boil down to a single reality: Angelo is here for Hickey. And more than that, he's willing to admit it, at least tangentially.

Good. ]

Am I to take that to mean you want to live now?

[ The last time they spoke on the matter, Angelo hadn't seemed so sure. There's a huge swath of grey area between truly living and simply "refusing to die a pointless death". ]

[cleansheets]

Don't get too ahead of yourself.

[ Want is a strong word. There's nothing but emptiness inside Angelo and around him. His brilliant guiding light has disappeared.

Live is a strong word as well. Angelo fails to imagine a version of it that doesn't make him recoil in disgust. To join in with a world he'd much rather see burned to the ground, to live in hedonistic pleasure, meaninglessly... Just imagining it makes him want to shed his skin. A more modest life is easier thought of, but continues to feel hollow.

So what else? What next? ]

I am going to survive - I'm certainly not going to lose my life in this desolate place.

[ Not wanting to get literally cannibalized helps motivate him for that, also. ]

As for living... You said I should get to invent an opportunity for that. For now, I'm making you my opportunity.

[spotsalone]

[ His brow twitches. As much as Angelo had insisted he had no interest in becoming the pet of some immortal... isn't that exactly what he's done? The notion is easier to stomach, maybe, with the added challenge of survival in the mix. Sariel and Hwylryn offered a cushier life, one that Angelo would not have to earn. Hickey probably would've turned down such a soft existence, too. There's power in hunger.

He takes a final pull from his cigarette before flicking it away. Then, he steps closer to Angelo until he's near enough to have to look up slightly to meet his eye. ]

I did promise to make it worth your while, didn't I?

[ His smile brightens. His head tips to the side, attention dropping briefly to regard Angelo's uniform. He hopes Solomon is watching. ]

We make a good pair, the two of us. You won't die here, lieutenant.

[cleansheets]

[ The air has shifted between them since they came here. Angelo thought it might just be the hostile environment putting him on edge, but he realizes now that he can trust his instinct. Elias has put his game face back on and whatever... whatever openness existed between them back in the promenade of reflexion, of even just back in the gardens a few hours ago... it's slowly freezing over, like the cold that is constant enemy to them both.

Hickey is looking at him with a strange hunger, like a hunter holding a snare. Angelo knows that look, has seen many variations of it, and it makes his hairs stand on end.

He can't be surprised, not when knowing this about Hickey is the very reason he came along with him. But he does feel uncomfortable, with Hickey so close. It reminds him of being 'defended' at trial. The same double edged kindness that digs sharp fingernails into the scab of his deepest wounds.

Angelo raises an eyebrow, sarcastic. He resists the urge to step away. ]

You work no miracles yet you still talk as if you're the God who can decide all that, Elias.

[ The men can't hear them now. So Angelo clings to the end of the leash that he has leverage on. That makes him feel better, so he gives a proper nod. ]

... but we're certainly both tenacious enough to make it through.

[spotsalone]

You underestimate me.

[ He says it kindly enough, but the way his chin ticks upward in irritation betrays that Angelo has struck another nerve. Elias. There's a thrill in that shared secret, in Angelo seeing him in this moment, but Hickey knows the name was deliberate. It's a stark reminder of where they stand with one another—and that his vulnerability can be used against him. ]

I've escaped death more times than I can count, and now I've escaped it forever. The very fact that I've managed so well for myself is a miracle.

[ And what other than divine intervention could've set him up for such a thing? He knows damn well he didn't earn his way out of every predicament he's found himself in. Often, it's luck—lucky that he ran into Cornelius Hickey when he did, lucky that he stumbled onto Crozier's resignation, lucky that he was taking a piss when the fire broke out at Carnivale. Lucky that Ish snapped him up, of all the many options in the many universes.

Angelo can deny it all he likes. Hickey is chosen. ]

I'm not deciding your fate, Angelo. I'm betting on you.

[ ...And on his own ability to keep Angelo alive despite the odds. He can bet on two things. ]

[cleansheets]

[ Perhaps paradoxically, this makes Angelo smile. It's the first time he's smiled since arriving here and while it's not an altogether pleasant expression... well, Angelo's smile rarely is. It's on par with all the best smiles he's worn since arriving at Ish's castle, and that has to be good enough.

Angelo. He likes being called by his title and has no mind to tell Hickey to stop, but in this particular moment it feels freeing to hear his name without any further ado. He doesn't interrogate that feeling, accepts it for what it is and let's it pass. ]

Ah. Well, I don't take you for a man who makes bets he doesn't expect high reward from.

[ And that, too, makes him feel better. They're still standing in rather close proximity, but some of the tension that made Angelo feel is melting. ]

Not to worry. I'll clean up that camp of yours. Speaking of...

[ Angelo glances at the slits in Hickey's coat. ]

Is that an intentional badge of honor or did you just never care to mend it?

[spotsalone]

[ There's that smile, and Hickey relaxes as he feels his metaphorical grip on Angelo tighten. He has no real concerns about Angelo's loyalty, but he's compelled to do an occasional pressure test just the same. It's an opportunity to learn, if nothing else, and to make sure that they understand one another.

It's interesting, though. When dealing with Angelo, Hickey finds himself bouncing between strategies that worked with either Billy or Tozer. A sharp wit works well, as it did with Billy, though Hickey knows he can't push too far. Billy always cowed eventually, but Angelo has as much bite as Tozer when he's willing to use it. Also like Tozer: a softness for being called by name. Noted.

This is what people do, right? Memorize these sort of small details about their friends? Like remembering someone's birthday.

Anyway, he pokes a finger through one of the slits in his coat. Ah, Irving. Hickey wouldn't consider his murder a point of pride, so the true answer is that he just hadn't thought to repair the coat, but... ]

A badge of honor, I suppose. Though not in the way you'd think.

[ The stabs, to him, aren't a celebration of his ability to take a life, but a reminder of what he's capable of. Irving used his faith to condemn Hickey over some imaginary moral stance, and yet his God let him die by Hickey's knife. Crozier condemned Hickey to death, and yet which one of them stands here now, wearing his officer's coat and unable to die?

The incident with Irving is not a fond memory, but it was worth it. ]

I had reason to believe the Tuunbaq would intervene at my execution, you know. It happened once before. That's how I earned this coat.

[cleansheets]

[ It's not the answer that Angelo expected and his confusion is plain in the crease of his brows for a moment. It's news to him that Hickey had already been condemned to death once, but it's difficult to be wholly surprised by the revelation. If it happened on this expedition, he'd have to have been guilty then as well. 'Earning the coat' must mean having gotten away with the killing that caused those holes in the first place. ]

... and that's why you were so calm.

[ Even though it didn't do anything for you. Even though it just watched your demise so dispassionately. (In the back of his head, a memory of a familiar red robot plays, barely in the periphery of his vision. He won't think of that.

He'll think instead of how it feels to be saved by something much larger than yourself or your tormentors. He remembers it.) ]

What did it feel like? That first time.

[spotsalone]

[ What did it feel like? Hickey echoes Angelo's look of puzzlement for a moment. What an odd question.

But as soon as it's asked, he knows the answer: It felt like stepping onto the deck of the Terror for the first time, like seeing Billy's smile at the ring on his finger. Like waking up in the graveyard. Like immortality.

Relief. ]

Vindication.

[ It's barely a lie. What better confirmation that the universe had chosen him?

He takes a step back and glances back down the hill. Tozer is dismantling a tent with the other marines, and Mr. Goodsir has finally made an appearance, hauling a crate of medical supplies over to the boat.

A little ways past the camp, Hickey can just make out an unnatural hump of shales at the base of the next hill. He hadn't known what else to do with the remains of Billy's body. ]

But I was calm because I chose to be. Fear doesn't serve me.

[cleansheets]

[ ... what a thing to say.

If it were someone else, Angelo might recoil at it, intimately reminded of how much of the castle experience he'd spent very publicly controlled by fears and his past. It could feel like a jab.

But from Hickey... Well, he just believes this, doesn't he? Lives by it earnestly.

Angelo has declared him the very emblem of base humanity before, but it's moments like this where the allegory just doesn't hold. Fear controls humanity. Fear of past losses makes it weak. Fear of loss of dignity makes it violent. Hickey is selfish and brutal and dirty, but he's calm. Calming, if Angelo is honest. That's why he's here. That's why the cold is allowed to dig into his skin. ]

You make it sound so easy...

[ Angelo shakes his head, but it's with a thin smile. No wonder all these people down there cling to Hickey.

No wonder he-- No. Let's get back on topic. ]

Well, I'll let you keep your meaningfully torn clothes then, but if you do want it fixed up, let me know.

[ Simple things. Making himself useful. Fixing something that's bothering him in its messiness. ]

[spotsalone]

Because it is easy.

[ He says it like he's offering advice—and really, he is. He sees a distant version of himself in Angelo's volatility. Controlling his own fear is easy now, but it wasn't always. It's a skill forged in fire, that. ]

It does take practice, but... Don't you want to be untouchable? You can choose not to give others power over you. Then you'll never lose.

[ There's another smile, though it's a gentler one, like he's letting Angelo in on a secret. Now's not the time to prod at this particular point, at least not directly, but of course Hickey noticed how Angelo suffered at his own hand this past month. That's Angelo's business and whether he resolves it is up to him, but there will be no repeating that here. They've enough problems to deal with.

And if Angelo is able to harden some and learn control in the process, well. Good for him. Hickey wants to see what that looks like.

A breath of wind gusts over the shales, catching them from behind as if to urge them along. That's enough hilltop brooding. Hickey pauses to cast one last glance from this vantage point, briefly attempting to unravel the twisting discomfort in his chest. The decision to make camp here felt unnaturally right at the time. Now, he wants nothing more than to be gone from this place, for a reason he can't quite pinpoint and can't bear to examine too closely.

His tongue presses against the inside of his cheek as he watches Solomon climb into the boat below to rearrange some supplies. Underneath him somewhere, a length of chain.

Hickey huffs out the faintest laugh, his eyes closing briefly. His destiny has changed, and that of the others will follow. ]

Come.

[ He catches Angelo's sleeve at the wrist just long enough to tug him into motion. It's time to return to camp. ]

[cleansheets]

[ 'You can choose to not give others power over you,' Hickey says and Angelo thinks that he's a liar. Only the fortunate can shut themselves off from the filth of the world and claim to be invulnerable to it. The weak and downtrodden are left to drown in their own squalor. If Angelo had the option of shutting his heart away fully, he'd have taken it long ago. But even filling his body with substances, becoming poisoned in body and mind, had not been enough to accomplish that.

He does want to be untouchable, but without the Captain to cast his mantle of absolute power over him, he sees no path towards that goal. It is only the Captain who can give him the safety of clean white sheets, the faint smell of detergent.

Yes, Angelo does want to be untouchable. Hickey grabs his sleeve anyway.

And Angelo, unusually docile, lets himself be prompted along. He's being looked down on, certainly. One of these days, Hickey might find himself with a pistol against his temple for that insolence. (A useless gesture. Symbolic, even if potentially satisfying. Angelo can't kill Hickey, not in the way that matters. Not here.) Yes, some day... Some day, he'll bite the hands that presumes to feed. But right now, there is no need to lament his weakness or assert his rage. Not when that smile felt almost gentle. And not when there are crates to be moved.

They have a bet to win. ]