spotsalone | angelo and the hickster's post-belle arctic adventures

'Lucky'?

[ Angelo's eyebrows shoot up, but his expression doesn't turn to anger. Rather, he smiles. A little wider than usual. A little more genuine. ]

That doesn't even begin to cover it.

[ There's something a little different about him when he talks about his Captain. It's been shining through here and there in the last week - small mentions, something fervent glistening underneath the grime of their current situation. Now it's on full display. Angelo isn't really looking at Tozer as he speaks, but he's not seeing the hold either. His gaze is fixed somewhere else, to a different world and time, to a red flash he was meant to follow no matter to what destination. ]

The Captain... The Captain was a miracle. An man who had completely transcended humanity, shed the lies and deceit that make us such a despicable species... The sole existence worth trusting. For those of us who were abandoned in space, he was a ray of hope. The king of the dispossessed, to lead us to a future worth living in, free from the filth that has been thrust upon us by the Federation.

[ It feels good, to say all this out loud. He's held back too much in these past few months, denied himself the cries of his heart. Even though he'd boldly declared to Hickey that he could never remove the Captain from his heart, he had tried to let his image dull of Hickey's benefit. Angelo exhales slowly, a sigh of relief. ]

I do not believe there has ever been his like - nor will there be in the future.

[ As Angelo speaks, a thick dread creeps in and settles over Tozer, like a fog dense enough to taste. It takes him a long moment to puzzle out why, and even then he can only parse the rough shape of his concern: Angelo's obsession points to a vulnerability of the mind, and Hickey must have found a way to exploit this already. Is that why he brought Angelo here? Did Hickey hear a speech like this and twist it into his personal goal? What a perfect little pet project it would be to try and redirect such a devotion to himself.

Or has Tozer read this all wrong? He just said how unpredictable Hickey is. Angelo was entirely unbothered by that fact—a problem in and of itself.

The last thing Tozer wants is to involve himself in whatever's going on between the two of them, but... He sighs heavily. ]

Humans are despicable.

[ He's only echoing Angelo's sentiment, but it feels truer than it should. ]

And yet you'd count yourself among them? You said before you were head of his royal guard.

[ Tozer remembers that detail very clearly. ]

[ Angelo pauses at that. Of course he would. He's filled up with filth from the ground up, threatening to overflow at any minute. The lowest of the low, pathetic enough that even the greatest do-gooders of polite society would trample on him. What about that is not despicable?

But that's not something he really wants to go into with Tozer. His past is his own business, and nobody but Hickey will ever need to know.

So he smiles. ]

Ah, but don't you remember? I'm an angel.

[ An avenging angel, following a god of destruction. ]

[ ... ]

Right.

[ He can't quite decide if Angelo is messing with him on purpose or if he truly believes what he's saying. Both options are troubling. Both options are annoying.

Tozer doesn't return the smile, of course. He lets his gaze drift up briefly as he listens for the crew. With so few of them on the ship, it's at least relatively easy to gauge how private a conversation is. He doesn't hear anyone on the orlop and hasn't heard footsteps on the ladder above, so... ]

If you've a problem with lies and deceit, then you've thrown your lot in with the wrong crowd. But surely you've discovered that by now.

[ His eyes land on Angelo again. This is a risk, and probably a pointless one. Neither of them can change course now even if they wanted to. ]

From the sound of it, Cornelius has a different approach to leadership than your captain.

[ 'By now'...? As if Angelo would have ever been naive enough to expect otherwise. The betraying, lying, cannibalizing mutineers are exactly what he expected them to be. And if he's honest, it's not always unpleasant to watch. He doesn't know what these people's lives were like before coming here, but he can catch glimpses of it in their attitudes, their beliefs of what they are owed by the world. Those proud citizens of the Empire, brought to their knees... It serves them right, doesn't it? ]

This is sounding an awful lot like a warning, Sergeant.

[ It's funny, in a way, to be underestimated like this. ]

And I would never seek to replace the Captain. You'd do best to remember that.

It is.

[ There's no sense in denying it. ]

For him, lying is as natural as breathing. We've both watched him do it. Even when you know it's coming, know it's happening, it's...

[ It's manipulation, is what it is. Tozer knows this, but as soon as his mind conjures the word, he shoves it away again, unwilling to accept that he's been swept up by something so simply defined. There must be more to it, some larger thing that Hickey can tap into where others can't. Manipulation alone would be too easy to shake off once Tozer could name it, but he thinks of that moment in the tent, weeks ago now, when he knew Cornelius was dooming them and still he allowed it to happen. How? How did he convince their men that he could guarantee survival better than Crozier? That Billy's death was to be celebrated instead of mourned? That he wasn't the one who brutalized Irving and Farr—or if he did, that it was justified?

They all know better. They must. But they're all here anyway, gripped by whatever spell Hickey has cast. That man could slaughter one of their own in plain sight and no one would question it.

It's revolting—and it leaves Tozer awestruck and desperate for it. He doesn't understand that combination of emotions, but he knows he doesn't want it for Angelo. ]

I don't condemn him for it. We're alive because of how he operates. You can learn to spot when he's pulling one over on you.

[ Acting on it is the difficult part. ]

[ Tozer is scared of Hickey. It shouldn't come as a surprise, but it stills hits Angelo unexpectedly. Thus far their half-baked rivalry appeared based around posturing about who knows Hickey better, who is best suited to be his enforcer among the men - there had been jealousy and entitlement in it, of course, but he hadn't known about this. This plain fear.

Angelo finds that he can't understand it.

There are many things he is afraid of when it comes to Hickey, but he cannot recall ever having been afraid of him. He'd known what Hickey is from the very beginning. All that changed at the castle was his impression of how competent the man was at the matter. And here...? Here what has surprised and unsettled him are the glimpses between the cracks. The hurt that can show in Elias' eyes, or the way he breathes his name against his skin like Angelo is the only thing in the world he wants to be thinking of. The Elias who would cut himself off in a lie, unable to see it through to the end, is far more intimidating than the one who will murder without remorse.

It's an Elias who Tozer doesn't know, who Angelo will never let him see.

He is suddenly very aware of how much he has the upper hand here - yet it fails to be vindicating. There is concern in what Tozer is telling him, misplaced yet perhaps genuine. Tozer is taking a risk in telling him this much, when all that he speaks to Angelo can be assumed to get back to Hickey sooner rather than later. ]

And if you did spot it? What then? What would you do? What do you suggest I do?

[ He would've preferred Angelo to spit in his face and hurry up the ladder to rat him out to Hickey. If Tozer had an answer to that question, he wouldn't be here.

Which means he would be dead. His fate was sealed the minute he stepped aboard this ship, every choice thereafter distilling down into either death or... this. He barely recognizes himself anymore. Is it worth it, he wonders? To live. ]

I don't know.

[ His jaw clenches. All he can do is answer honestly. ]

See if you can discover why, I suppose.

[ Try not to let him into your head, he could say, though he knows that advice is too little too late for both of them. ]

Now that's pointless advice if I've ever heard any.

[ 'Why' is easily answered - what Hickey does, he does to get out ahead. It's a reliable baseline, easy to work from. It's what brought Angelo here. How ironic that he'd now be warned against the exact thing that drew him to Hickey in the first place.

He pushes off the crate and gets back to his feet, stamping down a little to get the cold out of his limbs. His forehead has settled into a scowl again. ]

Are you ever going to wrap your head around the fact that I came here because I chose to or do you need to learn it the hard way?

[ Frustration roils through him as Angelo scowls. It's the reaction he expected, but of course it comes after Tozer has revealed too much. Is this going to be a pattern? Twice now he's projected some common thread between them and risked himself to stop Angelo following down this same path—and twice now, he's had it thrown back in his face. Angelo doesn't want help. It doesn't matter whether or not he needs it.

But Tozer's frustration will die out quickly, and when this setup inevitably happens again, he'll be too exhausted to resist the temptation. His need to protect will take over, and... It feels good to try, even if it only sets him up to get bit.

Or maybe it's just that he can only stand to bottle these thoughts up for so long, and this isn't about Angelo at all.

He wants to ask if Angelo would make the same choice again, now that he's felt the reality of it. Tozer made a choice once, too. Instead, he follows suit and stands, dumping the fabric onto a chest. He squares to meet Angelo, though he keeps enough distance between them to avoid an outright threat. ]

And what would be the hard way?

[ If he were in peak condition, Angelo would stand no chance against Tozer. That would make him think better of provoking him, even now when he isn't serious about starting a fight (or rather: about starting it now). But with years of scarcity removing Tozer from his usual training regimen, Angelo doesn't feel all that intimidated.

The risk of escalation is one he's willing to take. Better to have Tozer angry at him than to be seen as a charity case. ]

I work you to the bone, obviously.

[ As if he doesn't already. ]

There's only so much commitment I can bring to the cause before you'll have no choice to believe my heart's in it, no?

[ It's absolutely not the 'hard way' he was previously hinting at and he's counting on that being obvious to Tozer as well. But there's no need to be crass. ]

[ He scoffs. Angelo isn't above making empty threats, it seems. Good to know.

It's a bit of a relief, though. As good as it would feel to hit something, Tozer isn't eager for a scrap. It'd be a waste of energy, and... Hickey would disapprove. Tozer is just starting to feel relatively secure about his position on the ladder.

That said: ]

I don't answer to you. I do the work because it needs done.

[ He nearly leaves it at that, but after a beat, he catches something he almost missed. ]

Which cause are you committed to, exactly?

Getting as many of you out of the arctic as possible. That's what he brought me here for.

[ At least nominally. The actual reasoning behind the decision still sits strangely with Angelo now that he's really thought about it. Hickey is no philanthropist. There is something he stands to gain by saving some of these men.

Finally, Angelo turns back to the next crate. This one was unlocked and it opens with not difficulty but a loud screech. Soon the reason for the lack of security becomes apparent: it's empty. Whatever was in here was likely packed for the walk-out. No matter. Angelo lets the lid drop again. ]

I don't like you and you don't like me, but that makes no difference to this.

His cause, then. You're here for him—because you've got nowhere else to go.

[ It's not new information, not exactly, but it's more obvious now than ever with that little spiel about his captain and the home that's been lost to him. It's sad, really... though Tozer wonders how much he'd care if the story weren't so familiar.

In any case, Angelo is right: Their personal feelings make no difference. He hauls another crate down from the stack and tries not to notice how heavy it feels. A year ago, he could've moved it with ease. ]

I don't question your commitment, Sauper. Cornelius wouldn't favor you if your resolve was worth doubting.

[ That's hardly the full reason—Angelo works hard and has every reason to champion their survival—but it is true. Tozer isn't sure how to define the trust he places in Hickey, but he wouldn't bring in another mouth to feed without good reason. ]

[ '—because you've got nowhere else to go.'

Angelo grits his teeth. As usual, he wants to protest this assessment. It's not that he had nowhere to go, it's that he hadn't wanted to go to his other options - the element of choice is important. Should be important. Yet Angelo is the only one who seems to think it counts at all. ]

Glad you understand as much.

[ It comes out clipped, as he busies himself inspecting the crate Tozer's just brought in. They're luckier with it too. The actual contents of the box are largely useful, but they are padded in hay, and padding material is what they came down here for to start with. Angelo snatches a linen from their pile to use as a makeshift bag. ]

It seems to me that I've had a better reason for coming here than the actual expedition members.

[ Angelo's grasp on the geopolitical situation of the current day is still strenuous, but that doesn't make him any less fervent in his hatred of the British Empire. It's nice to hate something just on principle. ]

[ The comment gets a laugh out of Tozer. It's a wry, tired laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. ]

At least you knew what you were signing onto.

[ He kneels to help Angelo with the linen, holding up the sides to keep the hay contained. For the moment, order is restored. This feels like a much safer topic of conversation. ]

The officers had some choice in the matter, and 'course they stood to gain the most from it. The rest of us only expected to be away for a year or so.

[ Even for the crew that did sign up of their own accord, work is work, and you take it where you can get it. Tozer heard Hickey make a case more than once that joining up wasn't truly voluntary, given the pay and prestige of a polar expedition is so much greater than the average voyage. Most among them are not here for the glory of it, the thrill of adventure, no matter how hard Sir John tried to push that narrative.

The argument worked on a few of their numbers, anyway. Mutiny became synonymous with freedom and free will. Hickey didn't need to convince Tozer of that fact. ]

Has anyone told you why we're out here in the first place? The Passage, and all.

[ Angelo nods at that. It feels like a lifetime ago since Hickey mentioned it - back then, he still introduced himself as Lieutenant. It's funny to think back to. ]

To find a trade route for the Empire, yes.

[ When they've filled the linen up, he takes the ends back from Tozer to knot it into a proper bag. It doesn't entirely escape him how easily they can work together without exchanging orders, when it comes down to it. It's not the first time it happened, but he's never been in a state of mind to notice before. ]

So the core can exploit more colony residents for their labor in order to have easy access to more goods.

[ Tozer grunts. A trade route, yes. Over a hundred men have died in the name of tea and spices. What an empire...

With the linen tied up, Tozer hefts it over to their pile and stands again to extra another crate. Maybe this is the key to their getting along, then. They're more amicable when they're moving and working. ]

Careful, there. Some among us may take issue with such a statement.

[ Especially from an outsider. It even pricks at Tozer a bit, though he doesn't disagree. What does Angelo know about England? What right does he have to judge it? Flawed though it is, it's still the only place Tozer can call home. That must count for something. ]

Is that an opinion you formed yourself?

[ It sounds like something Hickey would say, if not in those exact words. ]

[ The next crate is a bust. They have absolutely no need for a pile of percussion instruments. Angelo clicks his tongue, though it's ambiguous whether that is at their lack of loot or at the question being asked. ]

Of course it is.

[ Angelo is not keen on self-reflection and checking his biases, so the idea that it is a premature and ill-informed one doesn't even cross his mind. ]

The British Empire is not history's only Empire. I grew up in the colonies, under the yoke of the Federation. It's all the same shit.

[ In truth, his family had been fairly wealthy merchants when they were still alive. Angelo hasn't truly been born into the oppression he describes, merely assimilated into it. But these are like-wise self-reflections he is not prone to. ]

[ Well, at least Tozer has learned to expect needlessly sassy responses from Angelo. ]

Britain exists in your history, then? You're... from the future?

[ Somehow, he hadn't considered that possibility. Angelo's presence in general is a lot to wrap his head around, but there's something more disconcerting about him being from here but not at the same time. Does he know what happens to them, then? To England? In Angelo's world, all of them must be long dead by now.

Except Hickey, apparently. That may be the most disconcerting piece of the entire puzzle. ]

Probably.

[ He'd kind of been hoping that Hickey had already covered this in his summary of the castle, but... actually, he should be glad that he didn't. It means Hickey is truly honoring his conditions, down to the letter. His past is his own to share, even the details that do not matter. ]

Your Empire hasn't existed for hundreds of years in my world. Don't ask me if that means I'm from a future or the future, I understand that as little as you do.

[ Fucking Ish and his weird complicated magic shit. Angelo has not tried particularly hard to make sense of it, but it does give him a headache anyway. ]

[ Well. He truly has no idea what to make of that. If Angelo does know anything about their fate, asking him about it is likely pointless. He won't ask about the fate of the Empire, either. That, he doesn't want to know. ]

That's... disorientating.

[ Tozer pries open another crate. His fingers are nearly too stiff to function anymore. They best be done with this soon, though he wouldn't be surprised if Angelo conjured up some reason to keep them working down here for longer, just to make good on his earlier threat.

Whether or not Tozer would go along with it remains to be seen. For all his defiance earlier, he's not one to refuse an order just to prove a point. ]

And what will you do, should we survive this? You may still think yourself an outsider on this ship, but we're a forgiving sort compared to London.

[ He says it with genuine concern, already falling into the habit of helping again, but he expects Angelo to take it as an insult regardless. ]

I have no intention of ever seeing London for myself.

[ And neither does Hickey - even if they weren't set to leave this world whenever Ish provides the next opportunity for it, if there is one place they won't return to its that. Angelo's questions about Hickey's past have always gone nowhere (quite unfairly, he thinks) but the fact that there's nothing left for him in Britain had been made abundantly clear. ]

And some things about the world never change. People are people. I have enough experience that I'll get by fine.

[ If anything, it'd be easier to vanish into the anonymity of some city, somewhere at the other side of the world, than it is to try and integrate himself here with this small group of people already all-too-familiar with each other.

Angelo glimpses into the crate that Tozer has painstakingly pulled open for them and huffs. It's soap. Something they hadn't been in danger of running out of anytime soon, but it's always good to have some more. The scent is rose.

Like the soap that almost got him killed, once.

He'll get by fine, yes... ]

[ Tozer stands back from the crate and watches Angelo curiously. Another clue, another detail that doesn't quite fit, yet the gears in his mind are rusted and sluggish. It's not as if their crew has ever explicitly discussed their destination. There are too many essential steps ahead of them before they can think of home, but it's a given, isn't it? Of course they're going back to England. Where else would they go?

Where else would Hickey go? Surely he's not going to let Angelo part ways—even if he may have promised to do so.

Tozer almost lets the comment slide by, but then, Angelo wouldn't have brought it up if it was a secret. ]

You're not going to stay with Cornelius?

[ It takes him an extra beat of hesitation to figure out the best angle for prodding. ]

I'd expect he would object to that plan. Is this going up?

[ He kicks at the crate of soap. They don't need it, but Angelo is rather obsessed with cleaning... ]

[ Well, that does get Angelo to quickly snap out of his soap-induced reverie. He clicks his tongue. ]

Of course I'm staying with him.

[ The defensive rebuttal is out before he fully takes in (with some appreciation) that Tozer has clocked that Hickey would not let him go either. They're a set now, inseparable. It's for the best that everyone sees that plainly. ]

You came all the way up here and you still think all roads lead to London?

[ Really, he does wonder where he and Hickey will end up at the end of it all. They'd promised to go to Angelo's world, but that prospect feels even more foul now that they've had their fights.

Angelo shuts the box and gives a belated nod. And then after a beat of consideration: ]

Yeah, we'll take it. We've gotten enough for now. Let's grab what we got and move up.

[ God knows they're both freezing. ]

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