angelo and the hickster's post-belle arctic adventures

[spotsalone]

MUTINEERS

SOLOMON TOZER

MARINE (T)

GEORGE HODGSON

LIEUTENANT (T)

CHARLES F. DES VOEUX

MATE (E)

MAGNUS MANSON

AB (T)

JOHN LANE

BOATSWAIN (T)

JOHN DIGGLE

COOK (T)

WILLIAM PILKINGTON

MARINE (E)

JAMES RIGDEN

COXSWAIN (E)

JOHN SULLIVAN

CAPT. OF MAINTOP (E)

ROBERT FERRIER

AB (T)

ROBERT THOMAS

MATE (T)

John Diggle

COOK

John Diggle

COOK

mutineers:

• Sgt. Solomon Tozer, marine (T)
  
• Magnus Manson, AB (T)
  
• Lt. George Hodgson, lieutenant (T)
  
• Charles Des Voeux, mate (E)
  
• Pvt. William Pilkington, marine (E)
  
• John Diggle, cook (T) - lung damage from inhaling goodsir's evil cloud
  
• THE STUPID FOX
  
• Pvt. James Daly, marine (T) - mauled by the Tuunbaq
  
• Edmund Hoar, captain's steward (E) - throw into the water by the Tuunbaq
  
• "Pvt." Thomas Armitage, gunroom steward (T) - mauled by the Tuunbaq
  
• Harry Goodsir, surgeon (E) - rescued by Silna after the Tuunbaq attack
  

boat boys:

• John Lane, boatswain (T)
  
• James Rigden, coxswain (E)
  
• John Sullivan, captain of the maintop (E)
  
• Robert Ferrier, AB (T)
  
• Robert Thomas, mate (T) - actively dying of scurvy for the crime of having two first names
  
• and perhaps eventually lt. little depending on how much of our minds we lose along the way
  
• Thomas Terry, boatswain (E) - died from scurvy before the mutineers showed up
  
• Thomas Work, AB (T) - died from scurvy before the mutineers showed up

angelo cr chart
mutineers cr chart...

timeline:

• arrival; late july, mutineers' hill
  
• tent chats; early august, temporary camp
  
• spotting the ships; late august, terror camp
  
• tuunbaq attack; sept 1, ice floe camp
  
• boarding terror; fellas it's gay; early sept, hms terror
  
• dog to dog communication; early sept, forecastle
  
• bark bark bark; early sept, on deck
  
• coat! and post-tozer debrief; early sept, angelo's cabin

Comments

[cleansheets]

[ A good experience, huh? In truth, Angelo very much doubts that something like that is possible for him. All those many encounters, and none have given him bliss. Even the purely mechanical 'pleasure' reaction his body would conjure up to make things bearable had stopped feeling like much of anything soon enough. What's the value in sticking sweaty bodies together? Angelo should be more aware of it than anyone. The amount of money passing hands for just an hour with him, the amount of food or drugs that can be bought with that same sum... If one set out to make a hierarchy of human desires, Angelo surely could place the carnal on that chart with mathematical precision. Yet, understanding of it evades him. Whatever rapturous expression his customers may have made, it always seemed incredibly vulgar. Bodies joining with one another, a completeness... He's heard the romantic ideals, and the reality has never seemed to be anything more than a perversion of those notions.

He'd imagined it with Frontal, always with some amount of shame attached to it. Frontal, who had transcended humanity, who was clearly above such base desires. It felt like his thoughts were corrupting that beautiful figure - but at the same time, a part of him had never been able to stop, to hold back on thoughts as simple and plain as I wish I could take the pressure of you. I wish I could make you feel relief. If his body is an asset that can provide such a thing, he would have liked to offer it to his captain - to truly grant him every service he could give to another person. His own enjoyment had been a distant afterthought in it, a thought too vague to hold onto and pursue. Something that would never be able to hold a candle to the spiritual fulfillment of being good for his captain.

Then what about Hickey? Hickey does not inspire the same amount of fervent subservience in Angelo. The idea of giving his body to him does not inspire ideas of fulfillment. Instead, it returns to the transactional, albeit on more abstract terms. So is he agreeing just for Hickey's sake? Angelo hums thoughtfully, conflicted with himself on the matter. ]

Why? After all I've done, some more can hardly hurt me anyway.

[ There's a beat as Angelo shifts his head to be able to look Hickey in the eyes. They're so close, he could easily lean forward for yet another kiss. The idea of it appears to him unbidden, foreign but not disturbing. ]

I want to give this to you. That should be good enough.

[spotsalone]

[ Hickey laughs, low and humorless. It's hardly the answer he wants to hear, but he knew a resounding yes, I want you was unlikely. ]

Alright.

[ He agrees solely because it's a moot point for now. There will be no convincing Angelo through words alone. At least he does want the closeness in some sense. That's a starting point Hickey can work with.

For now, his hand moves to brush a stray strand of hair out of Angelo's face. He wonders if Angelo enjoys all this touching or if he merely tolerates it, but he won't ask. He doesn't want to risk the latter being a reality. Hickey has other things on his mind, anyway. ]

No one can know about us, you understand.

[ There's a seriousness in his tone, though gently so, in case this is new information.

Little about Ish's game truly surprised Hickey in the end. The circumstances were odd, as were the people, but he got used to it quickly. Novelty is not necessarily unfamiliarity when a thing is broken down into its raw parts. The way Siffrin spoke of G'raha so freely did rattle him, though. Bradley flirting with him in the middle of carnival, the love bites on Cain and Yoru, even Angelo and his captain... No one thought anything of it.

Hickey realized quickly he was the only one flinching and thus kept his shock to himself, but it did make him rethink his already liberal views on sexuality. Operating in secrecy has always been Hickey's reality, in every facet of his life. It's unfair, how society favors one narrow, hypocritical view of decorum and condemns all others—but he's given up on that fact ever changing. Society has already rejected him for his class and his upbringing. What's one more for the list? There is pride in hiding in plain sight, strength in holding true to his nature, fearlessness in refusing to deny himself love in the face of risk.

Wary tolerance is the best Hickey thought he could wish for. Unquestioning acceptance like he saw at the palace... It excites and angers him all at once, a glorious hope for the future accompanied by a jealousy that he's gone so long without it. Now, add to that the frustration of bringing Angelo into that darkness. ]

This world is not like the palace. What we're doing is not allowed.

[cleansheets]

[ There's a nod from Angelo even before Hickey elaborates - their changed as-yet-nameless relationship would only needlessly upset the balance of the group. Angelo knows he is neither liked nor respected by the others. If he were to be known as Hickey's lover, the circumstances would likely worsen. For as much as Angelo wears his gayness like an armor, he does not want to make his position in this new world more precarious than it needs to be. And Hickey? Hickey seems like a man who'd like to keep private what could be used against him, so the secrecy also tracks on that front.

So paradoxically, it's the justification that makes him raise an eyebrow. ]

It's still outlawed? I didn't take our group for being quite so passionate about law and order, though. Seems to be that homosexuality should be the least of their worries right now.

[spotsalone]

[ Homosexuality. So there's a term for it, even—and evidently it was once illegal in Angelo's world but is not any longer. Hm. Hickey wonders if humankind in this world will ever come around on such a thing. It sounds as impossible as believing they'll ever make it to outer space. ]

Whether or not we'd be punished is not my concern, but it is a criminal act, and there was a point on this ship when the risk of punishment was serious. Our men have seen me lashed for it once already.

[ As ordered by the man whose bed they now lie in. How's that for retribution?

Granted, yes, the flogging was about more than Irving ratting him out—but to what degree? Everyone heard Crozier's tone as he spit the word: dirtiness. A crime tacked onto the end out of malice, no doubt, as it hadn't come up during the sentencing. Hickey wouldn't be surprised if that's the thing that turned Crozier on him, well before he captured Lady Silence. No wonder the captain had reacted so poorly. ]

Most of them likely felt it deserved. That attitude is risk enough.

[cleansheets]

[ The idea of lashing as a sanctioned punishment is alien to Angelo. He's no stranger to violence, either in a punitive quality and as the result of senseless aimless hate, but the mixture on display here feels... incongruent, at best. To imagine Hickey experiencing something like this is bizarre. Even now that they are curled up in bed together, Hickey feels every bit the kind of masculine and dominant that would allow the world to brush his behavior off. ]

'Deserved'. [ He repeats the word, scoffing. ] That's what they always like to think. Hypocrites, the whole lot.

[ If given the funds and privacy, how many of them would show up to relieve themselves with a male prostitute? Angelo wagers there are a fair few. He's had customers spit on him in daylight and then come crawling back once the artificial sun went down. ]

I have no interest in trying to blend in and make myself palatable to them - but I won't talk, if that's what you think is best.

[ As soon as opportunity arises again, he'll rise to his full perfumed well-dressed glory once more. This is not negotiable. ]

[spotsalone]

[ Hickey grins. The firm defiance in Angelo's words is so refreshing. Even among others like him, Hickey is always the rebellious one, his partners too scared and shy to accept themselves for what they are. Billy was the hungrier between the two of them, and he still wilted into a pathetic thing the second they had a witness. I am not a rat. Billy chose to become one of the hypocrites Angelo now condemns. ]

As long as we don't allow them to witness anything, we'll be alright. Most will be quick to blind themselves if they've need to fill in any gaps with their imaginations.

[ Irving would've kept quiet had Billy not meddled. Hickey has been caught by men like him before. They're always in a hurry to eject such sinful thoughts from their minds, and Irving was no different. He was so desperate to scurry back up that ladder the second Hickey walked out fastening his trousers. ]

But there are already eyes on us. We've a long list of secrets we're keeping.

[ They can add his miraculously healed chest to that list now, as well. He'll regret that in the morning, he's sure. ]

[cleansheets]

[ It's that very chest that comes to Angelo's mind as well, and he decides to test the limits of their new dynamic by placing a hand on it, right where the injuries were supposed to be. The blood is still striking, but the skin is entirely intact and warm to the touch. It truly is strange, the things Hickey's body is capable of now. The explanation they'd been given states that it's because the true essence of Hickey isn't in there at all and instead laying on the table a few steps over, but... Well, there's still a body here, isn't it? Solid, sensitive, and with a heartbeat Angelo can now feel. ]

We truly do. You're gonna need to act out the invalid for a few weeks now.

[ Angelo suspects Hickey will hate that. He's not exactly a hard worker, but he also doesn't seem to like keeping still. ]

Fortunate on both counts, then, that I've already taken the task of caring for our poor injured leader for myself.

[ Nobody else need enter if Angelo's already Hickey's designated caretaker, and they get a significant amount of time to themselves. Though Angelo's opinion of their crew has risen a little after fighting through such adversity with them, he still feels like he can only be fully at ease when they're alone together. Hickey's warning about their 'forbidden acts' only solidifies that feeling. ]

[spotsalone]

[ Hickey grimaces at the reminder. He will hate pretending. He would hate it worse if he still had the injury to contend with, but he may yet change his mind there. Faking it will be challenging, and remembering to fake it even moreso. What an idiotic thing he's done. It'd be easy enough to blame it on Angelo, but getting swiped by the Tuunbaq in the first place was stupid, too. He's made a number of foolish decisions lately, hasn't he?

But his lack of focus is difficult to care much about with their bodies pressed together like this, with Angelo's hand splayed against his chest. Hickey's heart beats a little too quickly under those fingers. ]

Yes. Thank you for that.

[ Guilt, and now gratitude. Two rare emotions that Angelo has managed to inspire in Hickey in just a few minutes. Who would be here with him now, if not for Angelo? If he truly needed someone to clean and dress his wounds. Solomon, maybe, though only out of stubborn obligation. Magnus might try, though his efforts would likely only amount to ineffective fretting. The others must be glad for Angelo's intervention here. It saves them the trouble.

For Angelo, it wasn't even a question. He was there before Hickey even realized he was in the boat. ]

Tozer asked me earlier where I'd learnt to build a bomb. He'll be paying attention.

[ That particular question may have been relatively innocuous, but it's odd that he's asking at all. He'd done a little prodding back when they first arrived, but he caught on to Hickey evading those questions and gave up quickly. Hickey has been too preoccupied to pay much attention to Tozer since the Tuunbaq attack, so what this development means exactly, he's not yet sure. ]

[cleansheets]

[ His point now made, Angelo would be free to remove his hand from its placement. Yet his fingers won't move an inch. Hickey is hard to read and his mouth can't be trusted even when he's being honest, but this simple rhythm can't betray. ]

I hardly need to be told to watch myself around Tozer - he's been staring holes into me since the day I got here.

[ And if he's entirely fair for a moment, Angelo can't blame him. His leader had just shown up with a new lieutenant, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. He'd be a bad soldier and a passionless follower if he were able to just brush that aside.

Thinking of Tozer spoils the mood a little. It's another one of those insistent little reminders that there were years of expedition before him, years of history with Hickey that he cannot catch up to. None of the others know Hickey's name, none of them have seen his dying breath, and none--- well, it's hard to say whether any of them have tasted his lips, come to think of it. But they know his mannerisms, have been with him from dusk to dawn, a quiet familiarity that Angelo is a stranger to. ]

He won't like that I'm the one coming and going here either.

[spotsalone]

Only if you try to keep him out, as well.

[ Hickey lays his hand on top of Angelo's, fingers gently closing over his wrist. Angelo has shown no intention of moving, but just in case. Stay.

The situation between Angelo and Tozer is... interesting. Hickey expected the two of them to butt heads, but the rivalry is circling around something potentially detrimental to their cause. He knows he hasn't helped, playing favorites like he is. ]

Let him come and go as he likes. We can't keep up such an obvious divide between ourselves and the others, least of all Tozer. His loyalty is important.

[ Though in essence, Hickey isn't in a hurry to drive away this possessiveness in Angelo. He prides himself on being the favorite, doesn't he? ]

[cleansheets]

[ Hickey really does enjoy touching, doesn't he? With how careful he's always been about keeping himself physically separate from other people, Angelo never really had opportunity to notice before. He has to wonder how he'll feel about that when he's not wrapped in the strange fog of bone-deep exhaustion, reduced to an instinct that craves Hickey's warmth and company in its most basic form. ]

... I do realize that.

[ Even as he is loathe to admit it. ]

The others trust him and rely on him. Meanwhile I'll always be an outsider of questionable origin.

[ It had been an uphill battle to gain respect as Frontal's second back at home, but the caliber had been different and the hierarchy more strictly enforced. ]

[spotsalone]

[ Truthfully, Tozer's pull with the others has probably lessened significantly with all of the marines dead— Wait, Pilkington survived, didn't he? Hickey pays little attention to most of the mutineers. They're forgettable, unimportant beyond their contributions to the few that matter.

In any case, Lane now has the greatest influence on the men, and his loyalty does not seem to have shaken in the months they've been apart. The ships have not been kind to their skeleton crews by any stretch, but they've been spared the horrors that the rest of them have faced. Their faith in Hickey won't have been challenged by Crozier's condemnations, by Billy's death and consumption, by the strange circumstances of Angelo's arrival. They'll hear of these things, no doubt, but hearing is not seeing. Hickey can tell stories, too. ]

Make friends with Lane. His men too, if you can stomach it, but Lane especially. He's a man of strong convictions. He'll value your usefulness above all else, but don't try to hide your inexperience with sailing. Allow him to teach you. You learn quickly and that will impress him.

[ That's how Hickey locked in that friendship, anyway. It should work a second time. Lane is not a complex man.

Nor is Tozer, though Hickey is beginning to suspect there's more to him than previously thought. Tozer is observant. He notices things, notices everything, and is apparently now using his observations to form independent thoughts he's willing to act on. Fascinating.

There's a pause and Hickey's eyes narrow for a split second as he considers something. ]

Tozer is less of a guiding light for the others now. His loyalty is important to me simply because it is.

[ It's true and it's not. There's more to it than that, but he would be disappointed on a personal level if Solomon turned on him now.

Angelo doesn't need to know the intricacies of that relationship, though. Hickey only brings it up now to see how he'll react. ]

[cleansheets]

[ Making friends with Lane is a tall order, but becoming good coworkers seems doable. As much as Angelo wishes he could return to the days where he had the option to pull rank on people, it's impossible to expect a stable hierarchy from a pack of starving hyenas. And it's not as though he plans to sit idly - making himself indispensable, whether anybody wants it or not, feels like the greatest satisfaction he could achieve in this situation.

So Angelo nods at the instructions, begrudgingly ready to commit himself fully to the mission-- and then the other part drops, and Angelo's brows furrow immediately.

'Simply because it is'.

Well, isn't that something? Angelo has already provided a perfect explanation for keeping Tozer close, but no. Hickey wants him to know that there's a vague but certainly more personal reason for the matter. It's pointed and the needle is felt. (The obvious cause for the needling, meanwhile, goes entirely unnoticed.)

Though he can't remove his hand from Hickey's chest without dealing with the whole hassle of escaping his hand, he can dig his fingernails in just ever-so-slightly. ]

That so.

[ His tone is so flat. If there's one emotion Angelo is weak to it's irritation, and his filter weakens accordingly. Thus there is no cushioning around the next question: ]

So is dear Solomon why you got lashed?

[spotsalone]

[ There it is. It truly takes so little to tip Angelo into annoyance. Hickey keeps his expression neutral, though tired as he is, the faintest hint of a grin slips through. This hypocrisy will be useful later, he suspects. For now, it's quite cute, how Angelo's imagination has already run away with him, nails biting into skin like he's already earned the right to lay claim. Big talk for a man that insists his heart is already spoken for. ]

No.

[ Though Hickey would still be trying to lure Solomon to him if Angelo hadn't captured his attention instead. It's a good thing he never had the chance to give that little side project his full focus. That'd be a messy untangling.

But that wasn't the question, nor is it of Angelo's concern. An idle infatuation that never came to be, and that's the end of it. It was a thing born out of boredom, anyway.

The same cannot be said for Billy. Hickey doesn't want to talk about him, doesn't want to think about him, but that's a price he must pay now, isn't it? Whatever trust Hickey has managed to gain from Angelo will be snuffed out in an instant if he learns of Billy from someone else. Others know, or at least suspected and may just leverage that against Angelo on purpose.

So: his mouth sets, eyes flicking to the side. He's too busy chewing on words to mask his discomfort. ]

That was Billy. We were caught together, so he told command that I forced myself on him to clear his own name. He died shortly before Ish's game.

[cleansheets]

[ Any relief Angelo might have felt at the denial (how much of a mess would an affirmation have been?) is shoved aside by the wicked little half-grin that plays at Hickey's mouth for a moment. Insufferable. Angelo has another barbed comment on the tip of his tongue, but then Hickey's expression shifts just in time to stop him.

... oh. It's a common enough story, being discarded as soon as a relationship threatens to go public. Angelo has seen similar tales play out a few times in the red light district, and he'd always wondered why anybody would have ever let themselves believe in the first place. Did Hickey believe? Is that why he's avoiding eye contact now? It's difficult to guess at. ]

What a coward.

[ In polite company, this would be an unacceptable thing to say about someone so recently deceased, but they're not polite company, are they now? ]

I didn't realize we'd both lost somebody just before all of this.

[ The scope of the loss is not comparable in the slightest, but it is more common ground than Angelo had expected. It makes him feel uneasy, and the uneasiness swallows the annoyance whole.

Is it really just because Hickey's had somebody before him? That's not really a surprise. He's known Hickey to be someone who gets around from the beginning. Hickey mentioning the reason for his lashings earlier hadn't made him queasy in the same way. Then what is it? Betrayal? That's commonplace. Death? Equally so. Just why does he feel like something here rings a bell...? ]

[spotsalone]

[ Angelo lumping Billy in with his precious captain takes Hickey by surprise, especially following the insult. Billy was a coward. He was weak-willed and shied too easily from his own convictions. If Hickey's execution had gone differently, Billy would've gladly watched him die if it kept his own neck out of the noose. Afterward, he would pity himself for having to bear witness to such a thing. There was nothing that could be done, he would insist.

But Angelo is the first to frame his death as a loss. It was, it always has been, but it feels strange to hear it—and for Angelo to have come to that conclusion for himself. ]

Yes, well...

[ Suddenly, he's very aware of Angelo's eyes on him, expecting something, slotting puzzle pieces together. Oh, no. Hickey has revealed far more than he meant to by bringing up Billy, hasn't he? Anxiety twists through his stomach, but his mind is too frayed and sluggish to find an avenue to walk it all back. No one alive knew about Billy's rejection and Hickey was happy to let that secret die in his memory. The men all assumed Billy's death was cold-blooded and utilitarian, and Hickey preferred it that way.

He smiles. It's more convincing than it has any right to be. ]

Billy's cowardice long predates his death. It was no more of a loss than Armitage or Pilkington.

[ Someday, he'll remember which marines are still alive. For now, he sits up abruptly, shifting to perch at the edge of the bed. ]

You should get some rest.

[cleansheets]

[ It's a pretty sudden disentanglement from their position and Angelo finds himself a little disgruntled by it. It's true that they cannot laze around like this forever, would not even want to, but for Hickey to remove himself with so little fanfare... Hmph. Hit a sore spot, hasn't he?

Still, Angelo doesn't waste any time in following suit, sitting up and adjusting the fall of his shirt. The latter is entirely pointless, given the blood seeped into it from Armitage and Hickey alike, but... It's the thought that counts? It's a matter of pride? Angelo is going to think of it as something along these lines, rather than admit he was simply too tired to think about his own gestures at all. ]

I should clean up, more like. I'm going to start ripping my own skin off if I have to endure this mess much longer.

[ He'll sleep after. Probably.

Angelo gets off the bed and starts gathering everything he'd like to take out of the cabin - his bandage supplies, for one, but also Hickey's torn and discarded clothes. ]

Pilkington's still alive, by the way.

[ It's said casually, as a total afterthought. In the end, Angelo also doesn't much care who lived or died out there. ]

[spotsalone]

[ Damn it. ]

I meant Daly.

[ Hickey rubs a hand over his face. Evidently he's more tired than he realized. ]

Do as you like. We can bring up some seawater for bathing in the morning.

[ He says this, but stands and crosses to grab the washcloth out of the basin again. The water has long since gone cold, but he'll bear it for the time it takes to scrub the worst of the dried blood off of himself. It occurs to him he'll need to find a new shirt... Crozier likely left some spare clothing behind in one of these drawers. It'll be too big on him, surely, but that's nothing new.

A problem to contend with tomorrow, regardless. Another problem. Making it to the ship feels like less and less of a relief. They've a long road ahead of them yet, but Hickey is eager to be rid of it all... though in exchange for what, he doesn't know. He does not belong in this world any more than Angelo does. Neither of them belongs anywhere now.

Not that it matters. Home has never been a precious concept to Hickey, and anyway, Angelo wants to stay with him. No matter where, he said. Hickey intends to hold him to that. ]

Tozer is not a threat to you.

[ He doesn't look at Angelo as he says it, focusing instead on wiping the blood off of his middle. He might've approached this topic with more tenderness a few minutes ago, but he's hit his limit on vulnerable moments for the day. For the week, perhaps. He wants Angelo out of here if only because he no longer has the energy to mind his words, and he's caused enough trouble as it is.

But he doesn't want to send Angelo away thinking his position in Hickey's life is anything but secure. Hickey would sink this ship and leave their crew to die without a second thought if that's what it took to keep Angelo. ]

Compete with him if you must, but don't confuse politics for personals. I like you best. That will not change.

[cleansheets]

[ Angelo isn't looking at Hickey either. They'd been mere inches apart just now, but with the spell of desperation finally broken, it's become difficult to know what kind of expression to make. They've built a foundation, they've committed, and yet everything between them is more volatile than it was before. It's easier to just fold ruined cloth for transport and not allow their eyes to meet as his ears and heart drink in the words instead.

He'd though the moment they got up from the bed would have been the end of it. It was as good a conclusion as any - and yet, Hickey surprises him, as he always does. How is it that he always seems to have a reassurance when Angelo needs one, never allowing him to wallow in insecurity? It feels like a magic trick... or just a trick, a mere mirage. But in moments like this, he's glad for it nevertheless.

("What is it that you want from me?" - "You're lying to me." "I won't have you mock me for— whatever this is.")

Though it is hard to think of Hickey as a person with emotional vulnerabilities, or of himself as somebody who has any business soothing those in others, maybe he ought to return the favor. ]

... and I meant everything I said. You were the opportunity I invented for myself even before you told me to do so. And you're my future now.

[ He's by the door now, but his hand rests on the handle without pushing it down just yet. ]

[spotsalone]

You decided that so early on, did you?

[ With his back to Angelo, Hickey grins. He doesn't believe it, though not because he expects Angelo would needlessly lie about such a thing. It just doesn't seem possible, that anyone would commit themselves to him like that without him carefully laying the groundwork for it.

He sets the washcloth back onto the desk. He's hardly clean, but he's no longer itchy from the blood. Good enough.

He moves to the door too now, a hand settling at the small of Angelo's back. I wish you could stay, he almost says, but he bites it back just before the words leave his mouth. Instead, he kisses softly at Angelo's shoulder. ]

Goodnight.

[cleansheets]

[ Hickey's hands and lips are back on him, a perfect summation of their changed status quo. Angelo has been touched this way on occasion, though not nearly as much as he's been handled roughly. He'd always loathed the hypocrisy in this feathery gentleness more than he'd disliked the way harsh fingers would bruise his skin. To receive the same gestures from Hickey with such different underlying meaning... It makes him feel itchy, yet there is no need to shy away from it either. ]

Goodnight, Elias.

[ It's going to be strange to not sleep in the same tent, or the same cramped little lifeboat. How long has it been since he's had a sleeping space to himself? Three months? Longer? He wonders if he'll get any rest at all.

Those are the thoughts in Angelo's head as Hickey lets go of him and he presses down on the door handle to enter the greatroom... in which he quickly finds himself to not be alone. Closed doors had made it easy to fall victim to the illusion that there's only Hickey and him on the entirety of the ship, but in reality a dozen men in close quarters are bound to run into each other a whole lot. Of course he'd find himself face to face with Magnus Manson.

And Hickey is shirtless right behind him, hale and healthy.

Shit.

As an endless fountain of good thinking, Angelo makes the executive decision to simply step out and slide the door shut without giving Hickey a chance to react to the situation. Manson is a fairly simple man, surely he won't dwell too hard on just a glimpse of seeing the impossible. They are all tired. Their eyes are playing tricks on them.

Disregarding the blood on his face and in his hair entirely, Angelo gives a curt nod to their fellow mutineer who is staring at him with a puzzled expression. It's about the same level of politeness he'd be giving at any other day. That has to be enough. Nothing wrong here, nothing to see.

Very eager to escape from probing eyes, emotional vulnerability, and his own dissheveled appearance, Angelo crosses the greatroom in large strides, his heels resounding heavily on the wooden floor. ]

[spotsalone]

[ Magnus. Damn it all. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

But before Hickey can swoop in, Angelo has already slammed the door in his face. It's such an unexpected action that all he can do is stare at the wood, bewildered, as he listens to Angelo see himself out of the room.

Never before have so many of Hickey's schemes utterly blown up in his face in such quick succession. He's plenty used to his plans failing, but that failure is usually an external thing, the universe allowing him to be bested to make room for some future opportunity he can't yet see. This is not that. He's made mistake after mistake lately—all because he's distracted. Some trouble, indeed. And this is only the beginning.

He presses his forehead to the door, laughing quietly to himself. Is Angelo worth all of this, he wonders? His heart may have already vowed to destroy everything around them for Angelo's sake, should it come to that, but—

My heart belongs to the Captain.

I'd be a fool to trust you.

After all I've done, some more can hardly hurt me anyway.

—such sabotage would be impractical. Angelo is still mortal, after all. Love becomes meaningless if your beloved is dead, so there's little point in allowing this infatuation to grow into such a thing. If he must choose between chasing a desire he'll never catch and keeping Angelo alive... That choice is not easy, but it is simple. Angelo promised away his life, and Hickey will make good on that by ensuring that he lives. Transactional love is more familiar to him, anyway.

But, God, Angelo didn't even skip a beat just now, did he? The door snapped shut with unwavering finality, willing Hickey to shut the hell up and go to bed before he can make it worse. How ridiculous. How perfect. Hickey laughs again, eyes screwing shut in a grimace, and then pushes off the door. Maybe the path forward won't feel like such a losing game after he's gotten some sleep. ]